Horrible Mothers (on hiatus for now)
by honoroconnor
Summary: Modern AU where characters have different personalities. Naruto, Sasuke and Gaara have one thing in common; they are working for their mothers who give them constant hell at the workplace. Once their mothers cross a line, the three friends decide to do something about it. Contains language, dark humour, and incest, so please read at your own risk. Parody of 'Horrible Bosses'.
1. Meet the Sons and Mothers

_**This is not my first story as this is my second profile. You can check out my first profile 'MikeRedJurassic10' if you'd like.**_

 _ **I thought of this after seeing I rewatched a movie known as 'Horrible Bosses', but added a very different spin.**_

 _ **This is an AU fanfiction, therefore meaning that none of these characters may act similarly to their actual counterparts. So I apologise beforehand. And with my other Naruto story, the location of where you want this story to be is entirely your choice.**_

 _ **I'll stop talking now, so enjoy the first chapter!**_

…

 _ **HORRIBLE MOTHERS**_

…

 _ **Chapter 1: Meet the Sons... and Mothers**_

…

 _ **(Naruto's POV)**_

Looking incredibly weary, I enter my apartment in my business suit. I head straight into my bedroom. I plop my briefcase down on the floor, strip off my jacket, loosen my tie and a few buttons to give myself some air, and I collapse right onto my bed like a dead man. Before I close my eyes, the digital alarm clock reads 1:23 AM.

The sound of my alarm beeped, and my eyes immediately open. I was still wearing my clothes, and I groan, _Man, it happened again_. I check the alarm clock, and it read: 5:00 AM. _Time to go to work._ I sat up, shutting off the alarm while doing so. It was even harder for me to even get out of bed and hit the shower.

After showering, I got dressed in the very instant before eating breakfast. Heading towards the kitchen, I open my fridge, and I get out an egg carton and some orange juice. Just simple fried eggs to start off my day, then I go and get Ramen for my lunch break, then no dinner afterwards.

Now done with my breakfast, I wash the dishes in the sink, fix up my briefcase, grab my car keys, and I'm out the door in 15 seconds.

It's now 5:40 AM, and I'm driving off to work in my grey Mercedes-Benz GLE Coupe. Looking at my Samsung Galaxy S8 on a phone holder to my right, I dialled a number and put straight into the car's speakerphone.

" _Hello?"_ A groggy female voice asked.

I said, "Hey, Hinata! It's Naruto."

Hinata as she groaned, " _Naruto, it's five-forty in the morning."_

"Yeah, sorry. This is like the only time I have to make any personal calls. I just wanted to see if you felt like going out again because I had a great time with you on our last date."

" _Our last date was two weeks ago. And you haven't called me since."_

I winced, wishing she wouldn't bring it up, "I know and that's my bad. I've just been swamped at work that day and…"

" _Oh yeah, I remember. Work was all you talked about when we went out,"_ she interrupted me coldly.

"Right. Well, I'm up for a promotion which will give me a lot more free time, so I was hoping…

" _Listen. I'm sorry to say this but… actually seeing someone. And if I weren't, I would definitely go out with the old you. Because the last thing I need right now is the new you; some career-obsessed guy complaining about hard days at work. See you around, Naruto."_

She hangs up the phone, and I frown but continue driving down the highway. I guess I should've gone on more dates with her and things wouldn't be like this.

…

 _I get to work just before the sun comes up and I leave long after it goes down. And based on that phone call I just had, I really haven't had sex in a while with someone other than myself. And me going after a woman is seldom ever since I graduated from college. Hinata was probably my only chance and I guess I threw that away. So in terms of a love life; mine was pretty shit._

…

I go through an opening and drive down the street until I come across the business park. After a few blocks down some more, I park my car just a few feet away from this 23-storey building. I exit my car and run full-speed to the entrance.

"Morning, Akio!" I waved at our office's security guard, that I have seen almost all the time, as I loosened my tie a bit before pressing the elevator button. This office had 4 elevators for both sides. Very busy place in the afternoon.

"Morning, Mr Uzumaki," he greeted back with sincerity on his voice, "You better hurry."

"Yeah," I breathed until I checked my watch, reading 6:02 AM, and I deadpanned. _Fuck._

…

 _But in terms of work; Hinata's got it all wrong; I actually love my job. I have fun working alongside my coworkers, and I enjoy the fact that my working conditions in a great office exceeded my expectations; I'm an executive at a financial firm. And better yet, I love living in my apartment. It's pretty spacious; two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a living room and a dining room that connects. The best part of the that is I have a roommate who happens to be my best friend. He wasn't there since he's currently having his vacation. So my life was pretty high standard._

 _Except for the hitch._

…

I'm now sitting at my desk inputting information from a large pile of documents and typing that information into a spreadsheet on my computer. The clock on my computer turns reads 8:00 AM. Just minding my own business, until Sai, a coworker of mine and good friend, comes to me with some papers and places them to the side of my desk. I look at the stack and I look at him funny, "Hi, can I help you?"

"These are for you to process," he leans on my desk, as always and gestures at the papers, "Yeah, Ino asked me to bring them to you."

"Hmmm…" I grin.

"Say no more," Shikamaru, on the opposite of where I am at his own desk, says as I laugh, "So are you actually gonna ask her out or not?"

"I am, but what do I say?"

"Oh come on, man. You have an IQ over 200. You should be able to 'calculate' what you should say," I joke and laugh, which makes Shikamaru laugh as well.

"Haha, very funny," Sai appreciates the joke but sighs, "Why does this have to be such a drag?"

"Just breathe, then you speak up," I advise him.

"Don't worry man, you'll be fine."

Then my desk phone starts ringing and I pick up, "Hang on, I gotta take this. This is Naruto."

" _Naruto, can I see you in my office?"_ A sweet female voice says to me, " _Please?"_

Sai and Shikamaru nod at me before heading back to their own business. I gulp, knowing what the conversation at _her_ office was going to be about, "I'll be right there, ma'am."

I put down the phone, heading for my boss's office.

…

 _Now let me tell you a story. When my father passed away when I was about 5, my mother, the one and only Kushina Uzumaki, was left with nothing because the inheritance was taken away from us by some greedy businessmen. I never knew much at the time up until now. It's a sensitive topic and she refuses to talk about it. So came into this town alongside me with a car and $500 that she had left with to start off with. Then, she started working for this financial firm starting from the very bottom. But because of her determination and taking shit from good people, my mother earned herself promotion after promotion after promotion. Now get this; after 18 years of hard work, she had turned that $500 into $500,000,000 and counting. And now she is the senior president of the company. Guess she got the last laugh. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but she did it. Do you know why she succeeded in the end? Because she worked her ass off and took shit from trustworthy people. The key to success (they will not teach you this in business school, by the way) is taking shit from people you trust. That's what I've been doing the last year since I graduated from college, and it's all about to pay off._

 _So what's only hitch?_

…

I'm watching camera footage of me being late for work.

My boss pauses the playback and she looks at me, "This is what concerns me Naruto. You're a very punctual man. You know the importance of being here right at 6:00 AM. Which is what leads me to think that… there must be something wrong with the clock on our system."

I squint, "I may have been a MINUTE late."

"Yeah, but according to this," she points back at the TV screen, "You were TWO minutes late. So either you're a liar, or this system is off by a FULL minute. And if that's the case, I'm gonna have to fire Akio, our longtime security coordinator."

"Okay, I may have been two minutes late."

"Oh," she leaned on her desk, crossing her arms, "Well then… you were lying?"

"No," I immediately say, "I… who are you calling?"

I'm too slow to continue speaking as I see her picking up her desk telephone.

"Akio. I gotta let him go," she said without a glimpse of guilt in her voice. It sounded more like she was stating a fact.

 _Oh shit!_ "No, uh… I WAS lying. Sorry." I finally speak the truth, feeling like a total idiot, knowing I could have told the truth earlier.

"So, you were lying?"

"I didn't mean to. It was more of a saying, "Might have been a minute late!"" I laugh awkwardly. My boss looks at me like 'really?', as she puts the telephone down, I gulp, "Literally, uh, truthfully, was two minutes late," I say with low confidence. _Naruto, you are such an idiot._

…

 _The only hitch?_

 _I work with my mom. The worst part is that she's actually my boss. Who right now is giving me some fresh shit for being TWO MINUTES LATE._

 _Don't get me wrong. I love my mom for the life she has given me and herself. Everyone respects her for that. But sometimes… she could be a **TOTAL FUCKING BITCH**._

 _Now, where do I stand in this company? I worked up the ladder when I first arrived. Right out of college, actually. My mom already offered me a part in the big leagues where she currently stands. I refused. Why? Because I didn't want people to see me as an STP. Or specially treated person._

…

 _ **(Sasuke's P.O.V)**_

"Boy, I have to get used to driving with this big, heavy ring on my finger," Sakura says to me giggling. We were getting engaged.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I keep swerving to the left, babe," she tells me, "But I don't want to change it. I love it so much."

"I love YOU so much," I say to her sincerely, smiling brightly.

"I love you too," she replies sweetly, "I'll call you when I'm done!" Then, she gets out of the car almost immediately.

"Have a good day at work!" I call out, but I didn't think she heard me.

…

 _When I was a kid, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a husband. I always gave the same answer. Okay, I know that sounds weird since most boys wanna be soldiers, astronauts, firehouse chiefs or personal trainers… but to me being a husband was, like, the highest calling for any man. And thanks to Sakura, that dream is about to come true. Unfortunately, no one's gonna pay you to be a husband unless you marry Oprah. So I had to find a job. Now, I always admired dentists ever since I was a kid. They're smart, they're capable, they keep your teeth healthy. So after eight years in school, I became one. Now, I have my own office and I'm loving life._

…

"Morning, mom," I call out to her, holding a folder in my left hand.

"Morning, sweetie," she replies. I lean down to kiss her cheek as she is sitting on a chair, "How are you doing today?"

"I'm fine. Thanks," I smile at my mother before looking at my next patient's sheet.

"Son, do ever see that show Gossip Girl?" She says in an unusual flirty way as she tinkers with an excavator.

"No."

She begins to make sexual noises, making me very uncomfortable "Ooh. I watched an episode last night. I fingered myself so hard to that Penn Badgley guy, I broke a nail. See?"

She shows it to me. _Yeah… it's broken alright._

"Uh huh," I chuckled before turning around, widening my eyes and rolling them.

"I bet you're no 'shrimp in the cock department', huh, Sasuke?" She mocks.

 _That's it!_ "Okay, mom. Come on."

"What?"

"I'm uncomfortable talking about that stuff with you," I say, "Why can't you just keep these to yourself?"

"Oh, Sasuke, come on. You know that I like to fool around with men," she crosses her legs. I blink my eyes as a reality check. _Man, you're wearing shorter skirts today._

I only sigh to myself, "Anyways, I gotta patient and I don't want to keep him waiting. So if you'll excuse me."

…

 _Okay, so coincidently my mom, Mikoto Uchiha, just happens to be a dentist. Big deal, at least we have SOMETHING to talk about instead of all the lovers she's had after dad divorced her and remarried. But she's happy, and it's good to see that._

 _I don't want to hurt her feeling or anything, but I just can't stand her being near my working area. As a matter of fact, being a dentist would have been the perfect job. If not for her. An **EVIL CRAZY BITCH, D.D.S (Doctor of Dental Surgery)**._

…

 _ **(Gaara's P.O.V)**_

I observe the warehouse and two people catch my attention, "Ah, that looks great. Keep up the good work!"

"Thank you, sir!" One of them replied.

…

 _I love my job. And if you ask me, anyone who hates their job has no one else to blame but themselves. We make our own destinies, and I've made a sweet one. I'm an account manager at a chemical company. And let me tell you, the job has its perks._

…

After walking around the warehouse for about 30 minutes, asking our employees how their conditions are and what not, I stumble across my older brother Kankuro signing papers from a UPS Delivery girl. Wow, she looked good. So being me, despite not really a guy who can flirt. I gave it a shot.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"He's just signing for these packages," the UPS girl states.

"Thank you."

"Oh, no. I should do this. Kankuro, I got this," I say as he smiles at me, knowing what I was trying to do. He hands me the clipboard and waves off, "Thank you. This is high-priority stuff here."

"Thank you."

"So, what's going on here?"

She looks at me confused, "I'm sorry?"

"Is this one of those hidden camera shows?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're way too cute to just be a UPS girl," I admittingly confess, "You have got to be a model or actress or something, right? What happens when I open these? Will something jump out, bite my penis?

"No. Nothing's gonna jump out and bite you 'there'. I'm just a UPS girl," she half laughs all the while pointing at my crotch during her explanation. Her face was blushing red from my comment.

"Shut up," I give her a smile while handing her back the clipboard.

"It's true," she says playfully.

"Well, then, I need to take you out to dinner."

"Why?"

"Because I want to be able to tell my friends and family that I took out the hottest UPS girl to have ever existed. Come on, what do you say?"

I study her eyes and facial expressions; she was considering my offer briefly, then she wrote down her number on a post-it note and gave it to me.

"Awesome. I'm Gaara, by the way." I extend my hands to shake hers formally.

"Matsuri." She accepts the handshake.

"Pretty name. How's Tuesday for you? Macaroni Grill?"

"Okay."

"See you then, Matsuri."

She waves goodbye as she heads off. I open my DATEBOOK and I scribble "UPS Girl a.k.a Matsuri" on my Tuesday slot. Every night of the week is filled with appointments with other women: "Uniqlo girl", "Blonde Chick", and so on. I'm that kind of guy, what can I say?

"She's cute, man?" Kankuro places his left arm around my neck, "You got it."

"Caught another fly in your web, Gaara?" A man's voice calls out to me.

My smile becomes brighter.

…

 _But the real reason I'm here is this guy: Rasa, my boss and my dad. The sweetest man I know. He loves me and I love him. Everybody loves him._

…

"Hey, dad!" We embrace, "And I did actually."

He smiles at me and pats me on the shoulder, "Come, I'd like to speak to you in my office."

We walk into our office building. The place was nothing really special, but it was for us since my family has owned it for the past 20 plus years. Right when we were about to head into his office, we see my eldest sister, Temari, waiting by the bathroom door.

"Morning dad, Gaara," Temari greets us both, clinging on to her private area. Something was up, "I've been waiting to get in there for a while."

"Who's in there?" He asked her.

She sighed, "It's mom."

It made us both groan.

"Oh, jeez," Dad knocks on the door, "Honey! Temari's waiting."

I hear the toilet flush, and then I see my mother storm out the door, murmuring to herself, "Man, I can't get any privacy around here?"

"Okay, Temari," my dad tells her, she nods and mouths 'thank you' before going into the bathroom. Then he snaps at mom, "Karura!"

"What?" She snaps back and puts on a cocky posture. She speaks quieter so she doesn't gain the attention of the other employees, "What?"

"Is your stomach alright? You seem to spend more time on the toilet than at your desk."

"I didn't realize I had to tell you every time I wanna take a dump," she retorted, "Was that a part of our marriage I didn't know about?"

…

 _If the worst thing about this job is having to tolerate my mom, also known as the **DIPSHIT COKEHEAD BITCH** around these parts, well it's a small price to pay._

…

"Do you need to tell me when I have to take a piss, too?" She taunts again.

"I'm just trying to get you to do your part like what our kids are doing, sweetheart. It's not easy times."

Her grin turned into a resting bitch "I do my part. I do other people's parts. But it doesn't matter to you. You just wanna come and bite my ass because I'm your wife. You know what? I don't hear you giving Temari, Kankuro or Gaara any shit."

That's because they do their work and do it well. Maybe, you could take a lesson from them?" Dad challenged.

Mom snorts at him, "The only thing I'd take a lesson from him on is being a 'player'. And I wouldn't take that lesson because I'm not that kind of person."

"Singling me out? Nice touch." I say sarcastically.

"Alright, I'll talk with you later," dad tells her before speaking to me, "Gaara, come on."

Mom glares at me, and I do just the same. She clearly had a problem with everyone. It wasn't always the case before. How she got addicted in the first place is beyond me. And how our dad didn't put her through rehabilitation, I will never now either.

…

 _ **(Naruto's P.O.V)**_

"Trust is everything in this office, Naruto. I know you've been working ass tail off for that promotion," she says to me as she slowly paces herself around her office, "But if I can't trust you, how do you make you Senior VP of Sales?"

I blinked a few times. _Didn't she trust me?_ "Mom, you can trust me."

Yeah, now you sound like my ex-boyfriend," she begins to mimic him, inputting a deep husky voice, "Trust me. You can trust me, babe. Nothing's happening behind your back. You can trust me."

"All fucking bullshit! Meanwhile, he was fucking every young slut in the neighbourhood," she brushes her long beautiful red hair in frustration.

I sigh, "I told you he wasn't good for you. But did you TRUST my judgement? No."

I was pretty sure that mom heard me but didn't respond, instead, she was walking towards her credenza with several bottles of booze, two glasses and an ice bucket. She begins to fill up a glass with ice and Scotch, "You want one?"

Dumbfounded at the fact she poured a drink, I stutter, "Um… mom? It's… 8:15 AM."

"You think there's something wrong with a woman enjoying a drink in the morning?"

I considered that intimidation, so I shook my head, "No… no. Sure, I can have a drink."

She nods. Once finished pouring, she hands me the glass, "Bottoms up, mister." Then she goes back to her desk to sit down. And here I am, standing like an idiot with a glass of Scotch on the rocks.

I chuckle uncomfortably, "None for you?"

Mom laughs, "Naruto, it's 8:15 AM. I'm not an alcoholic."

"Hmph," I said as I place the glass of whiskey on her credenza, "Mom, the only reason I took it is that I thought you were gonna have one. So I'm just heading back to…"

"You took one because you thought I was gonna have one? Does that sound like something a senior VP would do?" She interrupted me. I jumped for a moment since she had put on a booming voice, "Doesn't sound like one to me."

"Of course not," I said as I attempt to revert the situation. Obviously, that wouldn't work on her, "I was just trying to be polite."

"So what? Let's say, if I was gonna go naked and dip myself in a bath of honey and shaved coconut, you'd do that too?" She challenged.

Now it was my turn now to comply, "First and foremost, why would I join you naked in a bath?"

"Oh please, we shared a bath together when I got ourselves our first apartment."

"Yes, but I was 7." I pointed out.

"Son, just answer my question."

"No, I would not."

"Sure?" She asked again.

"Of course."

"Of course," mom repeats my words, before finally sitting down on her desk chair, sighing in satisfaction of how soft her chair was. I watched her adjust her suit jacket and unbuttoned it to take it off, revealing her white blouse that was pretty transparent to any eye; I could see her black bra underneath, "Anyway, we've moved up the date of the AGM so you're gonna need to complete your due diligence by Monday; I'm afraid you'll probably need to be here all weekend."

"That's fine by me."

She smiles, "I knew I can count on you. And just remember, if you want a promotion, you…"

"Gotta earn it," I finish her sentence, "I know. You've said that to me many times. See you for lunch."

…

' _If you want a promotion, you gotta earn it.' It's a saying my mom tells me everytime I work or when she has to speak in front of an audience. Always a standing ovation since every crowd knows her background._

…

"Naruto," she speaks to me softly before I could leave. She gestures at the whiskey glass with her eyes, "That's 18-year-old Scotch. I can't really expect me pour it back into the bottle, do you?"

I was unsure of what to do at this point. Knowing it was my mom and not disappointing her would mean the world to me, I walk back to her credenza, pick up the glass and I gulp it all down. Mom watched in satisfaction as saw her biting a pen, smirking at my displeasure of drinking alcohol in the morning. Once I was finished, I place the glass back to the credenza and I cough.

"That should carry you till lunch, huh?" She jokes. It suddenly became clear, that my mom was probably a sadist of some sort.

I leave her office and headed straight back to my desk. I saw Rock Lee, Sai and Shikamaru waiting for me. Business as usual. Minus the whiskey.

…

 _ **(Sasuke's P.O.V)**_

It was nearing lunchtime and I was just about done with my fifth patient of the day. This one was a tough one for me; this guy had an impacted tooth and a wisdom tooth issue), so I needed some extra hands. Mom was the only available pair, so I had no choice. The patient was under a lot of gas, so he couldn't feel a thing.

"Mom?" I ask her. She sat across me, "Do you mind passing me the water?"

"Okay, hang on," Mom grabs the Water Jet tool. She briefly sprays some water in the patient's mouth, then casually sprays water down my crotch area.

"Hey!" I stand up, looking downwards. My pants were indeed wet, and the worst part was that they were very thin pants, so it was easy to see 'down there' if you know what I mean.

She playfully acts as if she felt guilty doing it. Trust me, she isn't, "Oh! I'm so sorry, I'm a squirter, Sasuke. Oh, you know what?"

"What?"

Mom checks out my crotch and raises an eyebrow, then exaggerates, "I think I can just make out our 'little' friend right _here_!"

"Hey, cut it out!" I say annoyingly, she was spraying even more down on my pants.

Studying my groin area, I unwittingly catch her biting her lip, giggling like a schoolgirl, "I'm so glad I got you circumcised when you were little."

"Okay," I really had enough, "Listen."

"What?" She legitimately sounded hurt. And not in a good way, of course. But what choice do I have? I can't have her trying to sexually harass me in a working area.

"Mom, can we stop doing this thing here? I mean, you can't keep doing this."

"Why?" She grabs my waist and pulls me closer to our unconscious, and speaks in a quiet, lustful voice, "Because you have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, but… she's not just my girlfriend anymore. Sakura and I got engaged last night."

It was at this point, my mother's whole demeanour changed. She lets go of my waist and stands up, hands on her hips. Her face was full of dead seriousness, "What?"

"Yeah, I wanted to surprise you."

"You said she was just a hole for your cock."

"I never said that," I reply, trying to act cool. I was more weirded out than angry, "Why would I say that? Really not my style."

Our patient begins to moan as he was waking up.

"Shut up," Mom tells him as she turns the screw of the gas tank counterclockwise to apply more on our patient.

I awkwardly point and make a joke, "That's a lot of gas."

…

 _ **(Gaara's P.O.V)**_

"Those plans are great!" Dad says to me. We walk out of the office as he had some other things to do, so I was accompanying him to his collector's item sand orange 1970 Cadillac Eldorado.

"Really?"

"Yes. Have Temari or Kankuro to put them down on paper, will you?"

"Will do."

He got into his Cadillac, and started the engine, "You're happy here, aren't you?"

"Of course, I am." I reply almost instantly, "I just want to know what you'll do with mom."

He doesn't reply quickly, but he does eventually, "I understand that you think your mother is under the influence. Let me talk to her first, okay?"

"Alright."

"Good. You got a bright future here, you know? Someday soon, it'll be you running this place. Temari and Kankuro say you should take over once I step down," this statement gives me a boost in confidence and determination, "Unfortunately, that can't happen since you mother's gonna take over once I resign.

Now the feeling came crashing down as I frown. I love my mom, but there was no fucking chance in hell.

"See you back at the house, kid."

"Drive safe." I wave him off.

"Yeah." And he drives away, and I head back to the office.

Until…

I hear a crash, a car alarm sound off and the horn of my dad's car continuously playing.

I look back, "Oh shit."

…

 ** _To be continued..._**

 ** _I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, so stay tuned. Any feedback is welcome, but positive feedback is very much appreciated. :)_**


	2. The Last Straw

_**Wow! I didn't expect the first chapter to get so much buzz!**_

 _ **Special thanks to the followers, favourites and the reviewers so far! I really appreciate the support!**_

 _ **Enjoy the second chapter!**_

 _ **...**_

 _ **Chapter 2: The Last Straw**_

…

 _ **(Third Person View)**_

It was night time and Gaara sat alongside Sasuke and Naruto at a small round table at a sports bar. Gaara was depressed and wiped a few tears. The pair were both deeply concerned and asked him what was wrong. They get their answer and it wasn't pretty.

"What?" Sasuke says after hearing what Gaara told him about his father's sudden death, "What happened?"

"He had a heart attack. The doctors said that his heart just burst in his chest like a water balloon," Gaara sniffs as he takes a swig at his whiskey, still in shock of the events that happened earlier today, "His funeral's private so I'm afraid you guys can't go."

"That's alright," Naruto reassures him, "I got work anyways."

"Same. But fuck, dude," Sasuke consoles him by patting his back. He looked just as dejected, "I'm so sorry, man. I knew you and your dad were very close."

"Yeah, I loved him. I loved working for him, you know? It was, like, awesome. Now my cokehead mom's gonna be in charge."

"Seriously?" Sasuke's eyes widen, surprised. Gaara nodded and Sasuke replies, "That's fucking terrible."

"Exactly!" Gaara shows signs of relief knowing a friend of his agrees, "Do you know how many times I caught her doing blow at work?"

"Yeah, and I don't understand why you don't just report her to the police," Naruto immediately leaves for the bar lounge to get the drinks he had ordered. He comes back to their table with two bottles of beer in his hand, he gives one to Sasuke then goes back to talking with Gaara, "Didn't you already try doing that."

"I did, but my dad wouldn't let me," Gaara explained, "Said he would talk her out of it instead. Now come to think of it, the only positive coming out of my father's death is that I can finally confront her."

"This thing's a real bummer. Sorry, but I think that you're the only one of us who loves his job but hates his boss," Naruto begins to rant, "Did I tell you that my MOM tricked me into having a drink at 8:00 this morning and she laughed while I was drinking? I mean, I literally work for a fucking sadist."

Gaara's mindset changed, much to his pleasure, "Shit, that's awful."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second," Sasuke says quickly, "How did she trick you?"

"I thought she was giving you a promotion?" Gaara asks as a girl passes by, he looks at her but he isn't interested.

"She is, definitely. Maybe that's why she's being extra evil because this is her last chance to make my life miserable, you know?" Naruto says, "Her ONLY son. Me! And she's giving me hell!"

"Well, you did ask her to not give you special treatment when you were landed with the job," Gaara contradicts his attitude and statement.

"I know, I know. I kinda deserve it, but not to the extreme, you know what I mean?"

"We do," Sasuke sighs, drinking his beer, "Well, at least your moms don't sexually harass you."

"Oh my God," Gaara snorts, placing his hands on his cheek with his arms resting on the table. He still sounded a bit dejected but lesser than before, "Here we go."

"What a surprise," Naruto says sarcastically, "What has Miss Uchiha done this time?"

"C'mon, guys," Sasuke moans irritatingly, annoyed at the fact the two don't take his situation seriously, "Don't give me shit."

"Alright, but understand that you will not get sympathy from this," Naruto replies before chugging his drink.

"I'm telling you, she's out of control," Sasuke explains, "It's like a totally hostile work environment now, man."

Naruto begins to laugh and so does Gaara.

"It's not funny!"

"Oh yeah?" Gaara didn't sound or look convinced.

"Okay," Sasuke slams his hands on the table, "Get this. Today, I had a patient under gas and I asked her to check the water jet. Then she spray water down at my crotch just so she could see the outline of my dick."

Gaara and Naruto look at each other as if saying 'are you kidding?"

"That's great," Gaara speaks up first.

"It's not great!"

"Listen, your mom is a woman who's looking for a good fuck with a younger man," Naruto suggests to him.

"I mean, how bad can that be?" Gaara asks Sasuke, "Why don't you just… you know? Fuck her?"

Sasuke facepalms and quietly laughs hysterically, "Are you kidding with me, right now? First of all, she's my mom. And secondly, I am engaged to be married to Sakura and I love her, okay?"

"Yeah, that's true." Naruto points out and agrees with Sasuke on this one.

Gaara also nods in agreement and makes a toast, "Congratulations, by the way."

"Thank you." They all make cheers.

After they drink, Naruto has a sudden thought, "Come to think of it, why don't you just relocate or something?"

"Yeah, there's gotta be other dental jobs out there," Gaara adds.

"For starters, I love where I am because the entire staff, minus my mom, are the most hospitable in the world. And… I can't get another job, remember?"

"Right," Gaara then laughs half-drunk, "Because you'd have to tell them you're a child molester."

"No, uh, deviant. Sexual deviant?"

"What is it? How do they classify it? Sex offender?"

Sasuke is continuously bombarded with these questions, until he finally blurts, "I'm on the registered sex offender list, yes."

"' _Sex offender'_. That's the one," Naruto snaps his fingers, "But can't you get that expunged? All you did was pull your dick out on a playground."

"Listen, I was drunk taking a piss in the middle of the night, there were NO kids. You DO NOT put a playground right next to a bar. That's entrapment."

"Mhm," Naruto nods, taking another drink.

Gaara then spots a beautiful woman, blonde, probably in her late-30s, wearing a tight dark green dress, showing a lot of cleavage and legs. She smirks and winks at him, giving a signal of some sort. With a now very wide smile on his face, he looks at the two friends and says, "Speaking of entrapment, I'm gonna go see that fine woman about her vagina to take my mind off things. Excuse me, gents."

And he leaves. Now he was interested.

…

 _ **The Next Day**_

…

 _ **(Naruto's P.O.V)**_

It's a new day and I'm sitting alongside five other co-workers at our conference table. Mom's chair at the head is empty. I felt thirsty so I poured myself some water from a glass pitcher on the table. Shikamaru is sitting next to me and I ask him, "She did say 10 o'clock, right?"

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure it's about you being promoted?" He smirks, patting my shoulder, "Congratulations."

"In one year, you climbed up fast," Sai comments, "Nobody's been able to do that since… ever."

"Thanks, guys," I take in the encouragement and I turn around to see everyone looking at me happily, giving me thumbs up and the 'okay' sign. They all knew I was getting the promotion and I did too. And it wasn't because I was the boss's son but because I worked hard to get all this way. All of a sudden, I make a joke, "It's funny how she got all over my ass if I'm a minute late, but then she makes us wait for 15."

"You were two minutes late, son. I didn't know I had to punch a clock with you," mom deadpanned as she entered the room. What a coincidence before turning her attention to everyone in the room, "And I'm sorry for being late."

"You don't. Of course, you don't. I'm sorry…"

"It's fine. I'll just attribute this to your drinking problem."

"I don't have a…"

"Naruto," she says calmly but coldly, "Please, we're in the middle of a meeting. Morning, everyone. Have we figured out our best sales distribution plan for the new model year handsets?"

The question made everyone cower in the room. My co-workers, including Shikamaru, had their heads buried in their notes and hands kept to themselves. Seeking an opportunity to show why I deserve to be promoted, I tensely raise my hand.

"Naruto?" She asks in her sweet voice, "What do you suggest?"

"I simulated a number of sales cycles, factoring in likely end-users, point-of-sale limitations and specific demographic variables."

"And?" She had the face of 'enlighten me'.

I breathe, "And in my opinion, an open plan selling process in our top 30 markets along with targeted upgrade offers to existing customers promises the greatest yield."

Mom nods at me with a big smile on her face. Is she impressed?

"Thank you, Naruto. Did you all see how he did that?" She sounds impressed, at least, "Yes, my son may be a pathological liar and have a crippling drinking problem, but when the chips are down, Naruto has what it takes."

I look down to the ground, lightly shaking my head. She was definitely not letting that go any time soon.

"Which brings us to our next order of business. I've decided who I want as our new Senior VP of Sales. He's right here in this room."

Everyone turns to look at me. I sit up straight, ready to hear my name. Until…

"It's me." She says. And everyone looks back at her, confused and shocked.

"What?" My mind exploded with questions, "What did she say?" I look back at her with my eyes as wide as possible.

"I've decided to absorb the responsibilities of the Senior VP position into my own because I realized that if you want something done right, you do it yourself. So, I'm going to be knocking down the wall between my office and what would've been the Senior VP's to create a single, enormous office. However, as a cost-cutting measure, I will only be taking 85% of the additional salary I'm entitled to, and that is called self-sacrifice, people. Learn from this."

In my head, it was just the sound of a car tire screeching, a train breaking and woman screaming all mixed together.

"So, the meeting adjourned," Moms says and I snap out of it.

As everyone turns to leave, murmuring to each other. Shikamaru pats my back, "What the hell was that?"

"What happened?" Sai asked.

"I… I… I don't know I'm gonna talk to her." I felt that my body was going to crumble within. But I manage I get out of my chair and I dash forward to catch up with mom before she reached her office, "Mom, can I speak to you, please?"

"What's up?" She says as we walk to her office.

"You know, you've been hinting for months that I was in line for that promotion?"

"I know, and look how hard you've been working."

"So you've just been lying to me this whole time?"

Mom fake gasps (I know so), and she gives me a sympathetic smile, "Lying? No, Naruto, motivating. I mean, look, we're all part of the same team here. Plus, you know, I'm the one who's gonna be doing all the extra work."

"Then why stress yourself out and give ME the extra work?" I retort, slightly raising my voice this time, "For the last month you've been keeping up late at work."

"Yes?" She didn't know where I was coming from.

"I barely get any sleep, I have no time to get some alone time, and it's difficult for me to get a girlfriend because I get all two weeks ago you wouldn't let me say goodbye to Kurama!"

"I'm sorry, who?"

"Our dog you bought me for my tenth birthday. I told you I needed to see him  
because he was dying and you said if I left early, I'd get fired… And he died before I made it to the vet."

"But don't you enjoy working here?"

"I do, but you're missing my point," I think I was close to semi-crying, or maybe that's just me? "My point is… is that I deserve a break after all the work you put me through."

Mom stops in her tracks and she looks at me. Now her smile of sympathy became empathy, "Sorry, I really am. I'm sorry."

I wanted to believe her every word she just said, I didn't for one bit. Why?

Because she spoke again and it made me snap once she ended the embrace and continued her way back to her office, "But I needed you to work late because you are an invaluable member of this operation. And I need you in the position you're in."

 _That's it!_

"Well, tough shit! Okay?" The entire office floor looks at us in secret, but I knew they were watching me stand up for myself, "I've been in position for the past five months. Why would I stay after being treated like this!?"

Mom cracks her neck before looking at me, her 'nice' smile pasted on her face and comes up to me. She speaks to me quietly, "Because I'd make sure that nobody in the industry would ever hire you again."

"Bullshit."

She chuckles, "Well, anyone who interviews you will want my letter of recommendation, right? And I'm perfectly willing and prepared to tell them, in that letter, that you are an insubordinate, dishonest drunk."

For a couple of seconds, I look at her as if I wanted to punch her. The only two reasons I didn't is because she's still my mom and I don't hit girls in the first place. Men, take this as advise, never hit women. I then reply with some more anger in my voice, "You can't do that. That's not true."

"Now, now Naruto. Let's not make a scene," Mom chuckles again, but it's darker. She gets directly in my face, whispering very softly but intensely in my ear. She showed her true colours and it wasn't pretty, "Let me make this clear, son. You weak, little fuck. I own you. You're my bitch boy. So don't make the mistake of thinking you have free will here in this office anymore, because you don't. I can crush you anytime and anywhere I like. So settle in, because you are here for the long haul."

Before she leaves for her office, she bites and licks my ear. The entire floor goes back to their business as I stand there all alone, stunned.

…

 _ **(Gaara's P.O.V)**_

I arrived at work after the funeral. Dad would have us working hard and building the company; he wouldn't want us to mourn at home, he told me. Mom didn't show and didn't know where she was. Kankuro and Temari went into the office entrance first and I somberly followed close by. Once I was inside, place my suit jacket on the back of my chair.

"Yo, youngest child," mom rolls her office chair from dad's former office. She wore her usual office attire, "What the fuck?"

 _This is where you were?_ My siblings sigh, knowing I was going to go apeshit with her, "What?"

"You're three hours late," she points to her wrist that doesn't even have a watch on. She turns her hands upside down signalling, "What's the deal?"

"I could say the same to you," I point ferociously at her.

"Why is that?" She crosses her legs and her arms, "Enlighten me."

I point outwards as I speak loudly, "We were at dad's funeral!"

Uh-huh. Mm-hm," she fidgets with her blouse as if she didn't care. She would have if she wasn't under the fucking influence, "Maybe that excuse would have flown when your father was here, but guess what? Mommy's in charge now."

"THAT excuse wouldn't make any sense if your dad was still here," I retort.

Mom is taken aback, "Whoa. In my office, now."

She pushes herself with the chair towards dad's office desk. I groan in frustration as I breathe to calm myself down. Kankuro and Temari only watch as I storm into _her_ office. As I enter, I notice that my dad's 'Rasa' nameplate has been partially taped over with the name 'Karura' scribbled in magic marker. I wince at the fact my mother's addiction makes her completely disrespectful to everyone including my older siblings. It's funny how I'm the youngest but the most confronting.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Sit," she points at the chair opposite the desk.

"I'm not a dog, mom."

"Good boy." Man, she really doesn't care.

But I do sit. Mom quickly slips a small mirror and rolled up dollar bill into a drawer. One thing I have noticed in _her_ office so far is that my mom has tossed most of dad's mementoes, achievement awards and photos with luminaries in the trash, "Threw all of dad's stuff away, huh?"

"You want 'em?" She says fixing her sandy-brown hair, "Go ahead and pick up the trash boy."

I chuckle angrily, "Once again, not a dog."

I pick up the trash can and I drag it towards the rear of the entrance of mom's 'own office'.

"I've been looking over the books," she ignores what I said. Typical, "You're the accountant. So tell me; Why this company is in the crapper?"

"We're not," I explain, "It's a recession, but we're still profitable."

"Bullshit!" She snaps before calming down, " Look… I know you and your father were, uh, very close. Okay? Frankly, I always thought it was a little bit weird and gay. I have no idea why he thought you were so fucking special…"

I shook my head, sighing as she kept rambling. I could not stand her anymore.

"…But that doesn't matter, because he's in the ground. And I'm your boss, now. And there's gonna be some changes around here."

"Can't wait to hear them," I said unenthusiastically.

"Okay, first things first," she picks up a piece of A4 paper and shows it to me, "Hospital bills for one Baki. Why the fuck are we paying his hospital bills? He doesn't even work here anymore."

"Well, he doesn't work here anymore because he had a horrible accident in our warehouse; the guy burnt of half his face."

"Exactly that," she places the paper down, "I don't want my money going to support _monsters_."

That right there was the most horrendous thing she has ever said in the history of us knowing her, minus the drug addiction. I snapped, "He's not a monster. He's a great guy who worked for this company for 10 years!"

She smiled and places her finger on her throat, sliding it to the other side, "Cut him off."

 _I am definitely putting you in rehab._

"Second," she takes out another paper, "'EnviroTech Waste Management'. What the fuck is shit we're paying so much for? It's costing us a lot of money."

"Dad chose to dispose of our chemical waste responsibly," I wondered if she even cared about this company, "In order to do that, you gotta spend a little more money."

"Fuck that! Because guess what," She snaps again, "The Bolivians are gonna do it for a third of the price. I'll hire them."

I immediately disagreed, "Nope. You can't go to them…"

"Yeah, I will. I think I will…"

"No, you can't go to them!"

"I THINK I FUCKING WILL!"

"YOU ARE GOING TO ENDANGER THOUSANDS OF LOCAL RESIDENTS!"

"OH, I GIVE A FUCK SOME LOCAL TRIBESMAN GETS CANCER! CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER!"

Some tears formed in my eyes but they never dropped, "They're not tribesmen. It's a MODERN SOCIETY!"

"Do I look like a fucking care…?"

"Okay! Alright, mom! Listen to me," I stood up to look down at her, "Dad told us very clearly that he would rather die… than save money and hurt people, okay?"

"Well then, we're right on schedule, aren't we?" She stands up to meet my glare as my eyes narrow looking at her, "Oh, and we also need to drain some of the blood around here."

"Gotta drain… what do you mean 'drain the blood'?"

"Well there's a saying that blood is thicker than water," she explains, "And by blood, I mean family."

I still didn't understand.

She breathes, "I want you to fire your siblings."

Now I did, "What?"

"When I see them, they remind me of fat people," she continues, "They seem lazy and slow; they make me sad to look at."

If there was a new definition of the words 'awful', 'monster' or 'disgusting', her picture would pop up. I shout loud enough so Kankuro and Temari would hear, "I AM NOT GOING TO FIRE MY SIBLINGS!"

"Really, you're not?"

"Yeah, really. It's like you don't care about this company at all."

She laughs hysterically, "No fucking shit I don't care about this company. This is just an ATM to me. You think when I married your father, that I dreamed of running a fucking chemical company?"

I shook my head.

"No. I dreamed of being on a beach… with a hot young guy serving me tropical drinks. That's what I dreamed of, and that's what's gonna happen as soon as I squeeze the profit out of this fucking company. But first things first. You either fire 'sister blondie' or you fire 'puppet brother', or else… I fire all three of you."

I stand up straight and breathe out more frustration.

"Do the math, sweetie. One loses the job or three loses it." She sits back down and shoos me with her hand, "Now get the fuck out of here."

As I take my leave she then says, "And don't forget to bring your fucking trashcan."

I storm out of _her_ office with the trashcan in hand. I place it down under my office desk as run my hands over my red hair. Kankuro and Temari look at me as if saying "we know and we understand". They heard the whole thing, and I'm glad they did. I needed some fresh air.

…

 _ **(Sasuke's P.O.V)**_

Apparently my mom asked for me for whatever reason. But it was a new day, so I figured it shouldn't be a problem… big mistake. I knock on her office door, waiting for a reply.

"Come in," I hear her say, and I open the door.

The first thing I see is her wearing her lab coat, so she seemed more professional. Again, big mistake.

"Hey mom, you wanted to see me…?" She turns around to see me. She wore her lab coat alright, "Oh, shit!"

As I attempt to leave the room, her door is slammed shut via a remote control. _Uh-oh._

When I say she wore her lab coat. I mean JUST her lab coat. I could see her silky smooth legs and some of her breasts showing and I just thought, _Were they that big before?_ I shake my head to get rid myself of the thought. Although, she did wear black stockings connected to white lingerie panties. Still, didn't make anything better.

She strikes a pose and gestures to the patient's chair, "Why don't you have a seat, Sasuke?"

"Mom," I manage to say, "Do I have to?"

"Please?" She begs politely.

I comply for some reason, so I sit on the chair. But once I catch her purposely bending over to show me her perfectly round ass, I immediately stand up, "Okay, mom. This is ridiculous…"

Mom holds up her hands. "I know what you're going to say and that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about," she sits and leans back in her chair and puts her hands behind her head revealing even more of her body, "Look, Sasuke, you know that I like to… 'fool' around at work. Right?"

"Mhm."

"And I might even… You know, I might even cross the line a bit. But the last thing that I wanna do is make you uncomfortable. I mean, it's just not professional. You know? And I pride myself on being a professional…"

I nod at the words she says, but I'm actually laughing my ass off. 'Pride yourself on being professional' my fucking ass!

"…So from now on, what I would like you to do is just tell me, you know… when and if, uh, I cross the line. Okay?"

"Okay," I nod once more, "Now."

She's taken aback, raising an eyebrow, "What?"

"Now," I repeat and point out, "You're… kinda crossing a line because… well, because you're naked."

Mom chuckles, and then giggles, "I am… not naked, son."

"No, mom," I retort respectfully, "You are technically naked."

"Oh please," she places her hands on the table and sits up straight in a seductive fashion, "Can you see my pussy?"

I look around the room, "Hmm, true. Um... But I think, uh, even really saying the word 'pussy' is…"

She grins, "That's crossing the line?"

"Little bit," my pitch gets higher.

"You're starting to sound like a little faggot their, son."

"There we go. That one's another one, probably an illegal thing to say too."

"Okay. Let's not talk about illegal, Mr I-Like-To-Pee-On-Little-Boys-And-Girls," she slowly stands up in a seductive fashion.

I groan, "It was an empty playground in the middle of the night."

"Ah. That's weirder. Poor children must have been terrified."

"There were no children. No kids in the park! Why can't people understand that?"

"You know what? Forget it. Listen, let's just cut to the chase, alright, mister?" She walks up to me. Her height is equal to mine since she wore black stiletto high heels, "You're engaged now."

"Yeah?"

"And I respect the institution of marriage way too much to violate it. So that's why you're gonna have to fuck me well before the wedding," when she said that, my brain shut down and rebooted after two seconds, "Because the closer we get to this date, the less ladylike I'm gonna feel about it."

I laugh awkwardly, "Mom, I am NOT going to sleep with you."

She places the butt of her finger on my cheek and slowly brings it all the way down to my crotch. I breathed heavily once she grabs 'it', "We'll see about that."

"Uh," I grunt.

"Now get out," her whole demeanour changes and lets go of my crotch, "I have a patient in five minutes."

Feeling disgusted with myself and my mom, I walk out but the door was still locked, "Mom, could you…"

She opens it and winks at me before I leave.

"Thanks." Out the door and walking to my own office, my mind was racing. This is so fucked.

…

 _ **That's chapter 2!**_

 _ **Please let me know how you all thought about this chapter and I will see you all very soon!**_


	3. That's Crossing the Line!

_**Hello again!**_ _ **As always, very special thanks to everyone who follow this story!**_

 _ **And I have three messages;**_

 _ **To this is war2: I will keep going! So don't you worry. :)**_

 _ **To A metalhead: Patience, it will come soon once I get the plot to run more :)**_

 _ **And to The Storm Master 567: Let's just wait and see, shall we? :)**_

 _ **Enjoy Chapter 3! :)**_

 _ **…**_

 _ **Chapter 3: That's Crossing the Line!**_

 _ **…**_

 _ **(Third Person View)**_

Another night at the sports bar and Naruto, Sasuke and Gaara sit miserably over their drinks and dinner. They've all had a few as they express their anger about their mothers.

Naruto groans, "I feel like a fucking idiot. My mom was never planning on promoting me."

"That coked-up bitch is gonna ruin the family business. She's just gonna fire everybody," Gaara says, holding his bottle of beer.

Sasuke was already drinking and he places his glass down to speak, "She stood there with her breasts… right in my face."

Naruto and Gaara turn to look at Sasuke, "Yeah, you know, yours doesn't even sound that bad," Gaara admits. Naruto nods as he felt the same way.

"I'll stop bringing it up," Sasuke deadpans and sighs. They continue to eat their dinner, all American cuisine. Then Sasuke points out, "I don't understand why you guys don't just quit. My mom actually convinced the board to hire me. Are you guys registered sex offenders?"

"I can't because my mom will deliberately lie on her letter of recommendation if I quit and apply for another job," Naruto explains.

"It's family business. I'll stick by it until I die and I mean that. And to answer your second question, no," Gaara says, "Listen, my mom doesn't even care about protecting this company at all, she should just step down. But she won't because of the fucking money."

"I mean come on. Going to school, changing fields, starting from the very bottom. Who the hell wants to do that all over again?" Naruto continues.

Behind them, a male with long hair, notices the three and he makes his way towards their location, a drink in his hand, "Is this really happening? Look at this!"

Sasuke is first to see him and is happy with such a presence, "Oh!"

"The Three Musketeers. Naruto, Sasuke and Gaara, all three hanging like it's still high school!"

"Neji fucking Hyuga!" Naruto yells in happiness as the long-haired man gives all of them high-fives.

"In the flesh, baby!" Neji says.

"So how are you doing, man?" Gaara asks.

Sasuke jumps in, "Yeah, I heard that you moved to New York and you were working at Lehman Brothers, right?"

"Yeah, they uh… hired me right out of University."

"So what the hell are you doing back here?" Naruto inquires.

"Don't you read the papers? They shut us down."

"Right. Sorry about that," Sasuke says as he and the other two remembered the Lehman Brothers crisis and consoled him.

"I've been looking for work for the last two years. Thankfully I got a job waiting tables here." The trio were all shocked.

"You? Waiting tables? I don't buy that. Neji Hyuga, you were voted 'Most Likely to Succeed', weren't you?" Gaara reminisced, "I mean everyone in class thought you were set."

"Everybody including me," Neji laughs and then speaks intensely, "Ah, I'll tell you what, though. I would MURDER those fucking Lehman Brothers if I had the chance."

Naruto nods, "Yeah, I don't blame you."

"I bet." Sasuke rubbed his forehead.

"Line them up, and I'd put one bullet through the three of their heads," Neji daydreamed for a moment.

Gaara chuckled, "That would do it, then?"

Sasuke does the same, "Take it easy, Neji."

"No you guys don't understand; I was making the fucking high six figures, and I'm getting paid 1000x less here," Neji explains some more, "And I'm off shift and I can't even pay for this fucking drink."

"You can't?" Naruto asks. Neji shakes his head, "Well, we'll cover for it, right? Sasuke's got it."

"Seriously?" Neji's behaviour lightened up.

Sasuke checked his pockets, "Uh, I actually can't cover it. Gaara, will you spot him?"

"Sure, I'll do it."

Neji points at Naruto and Gaara, "You two, uh, got some extra? Maybe throw my way?"

"Beyond the drink?" Naruto figured.

"Some extra scratch, if you got it."

"Gaara, could you cover for me?" Sasuke asks. Gaara nods 'sure'. The brunette looks at Neji and promises, "I'll help you out next time I see you."

"Thank you."

Naruto and Gaara take out their wallets since they felt really bad for Neji; the most successful in their class and now he's down to a level below them.

"Sorry, Neji," Naruto said, searching for change, "I had no idea it was that bad, buddy. All I got's $15."

"Do you have change for a $10?" Gaara asks Neji.

"No, I don't," Neji says sadly. The blonde and the maroon head place their spare change on the end of Neji's side of the roundtable, "You know what? That's probably not gonna cut it, so I'll tell you what; How about I give you guys some handjobs?"

"Huh?" Gaara asks awkwardly as he chuckles uncomfortably. Naruto and Sasuke look at each other and mouth 'what?'

"Forty bucks, apiece. We can do it in the bathroom right here."

After three seconds of awkward silence, Naruto shakes his head and apologises quietly, "Yeah, no thanks."

"That's a joke? You're joking, right?" Sasuke pleads.

"Alright, fuck it. You guys are driving a hard bargain," Neji begins to negotiate, "Now since I know you three, I'll let you stare into my eyes and I'll do the three of you for a hundred."

He's really pushing for this. Gaara looked shocked, "Neji… are you gay now?"

Neji laughs hysterically, "No I'm not gay!"

They look at him sceptically.

"Hah," Sasuke felt nervous, "So you just do gay stuff?"

"Guys!" Neji snaps, "I'm the opposite of gay…"

The guys look at each other with eyebrows raised as Naruto mouths "opposite."

"…Now, come on. What do you say? Handies for the Three Musketeers!" He eyes all three of them. They didn't want to, obviously, "Come on. You know what? I'll hit the three of you at the same time."

They remain quiet, refusing to say a single word.

"Sasuke, I'm gonna deal with you right here behind my knee. Nobody's doing that but me, and you're gonna love it…" The youngest Uchiha really felt uneasy.

"...And you two," Neji points at Naruto and Gaara, "I'm gonna rock you. Nordic style…" His hands are in a fist form and he is pumping them up and down to explain. Gaara and Naruto look at him and at each other. They were just in pure disbelief, "…and do you know what they're saying? They're saying my hands are rated FOUR STARS!"

The trio's mouths were gaped wide open. The three words 'what the fuck' were the only things circling around their brains.

"Yeah," Neji does the action as he describes what he would do, "Four stars wrapped around your sticks, pop the thumb, nick the top. Nick the top, nick the top, nick the top, then pecker spit."

"Have you been drinking all day, Neji?" Naruto asks. He was begging for him to stop in reality.

"Listen, I know what I'm down there," then he whispers, "Nobody will ever know."

"HEY!" The bartender shouts at Neji, "Come on, man. I told you no more handies in here. You want to keep your job or not?"

"You guys change your minds, I'm staying at my mom's house," Neji picks up the extra scratch and leaves, "See you!"

"Yeah…" Sasuke looks down at his drink, "See you…"

Once he was gone, Naruto shakes his head, "Oh, Neji."

Gaara nods, "Can't believe it."

"You know that dude tried to bang my mom on first meeting?" Sasuke points out.

"Oooh," Naruto winced, "He might be looking for Itachi now, you know?"

They look at each other silently, processing what had just happened.

"So… yeah," Sasuke takes a long gulp of his beer, "Forget what I said about quitting your jobs."

Gaara groans as he slouches on his chair, "So I guess we'll all just be miserable for the rest of our lives? That's the deal?"

"That's the way it's looking so far," Naruto responds as if all hope was lost.

"Hey," Sasuke attempts to lighten the mood, "Why are you saying that?"

"We don't have many options, do we? Think about it, we can quit our jobs and possibly turn into Neji… or, we keep our jobs and just become spineless losers that spend their entire day dreaming of ways to kill their bosses who just happen to be their moms."

Naruto laughs, "Well that's one thing we all have in common; we work for our moms who just happen to be pure evil."

"Wait, Gaara," Sasuke spoke, "You think about that?"

"Of course."

"That sounds a little sick."

"It's not sick. It's just a way to blow off steam," Gaara explains properly, "It's not like we're gonna actually kill our bosses."

"Exactly," Naruto agrees, taking a sip on his drink, "They're our moms, for crying out loud."

"Okay, good." Sasuke relaxed.

Gaara suddenly laughs, "Ha, ha. Though you would have to admit that our lives would be a LOT easier if our moms weren't alive."

"Nah," Sasuke and Naruto say in unison.

"I mean, hypothetically speaking, if we could do it and none of us gets caught, would you guys?

"Nope," Sasuke says immediately.

"I would."

"No, you wouldn't," Naruto calls his bluff.

"I would."

"You would?" Sasuke is surprised with Gaara's truthfulness.

"Yeah, it's not murder if it's justified," Gaara makes an excuse, "Justifiable homicide, that's a thing right?

Naruto smiles sarcastically, "I can't wait to hear this."

"Yes, but it's still homicide," Sasuke counter-argues, "Killing people is bad, especially if the victim is your mom."

"Just hear me out," Gaara holds up his hands, "If one evil person has to die for the greater good, then so be it. You know, my mom has become an absolute monster because of her cocaine addiction. She's a fucking bitch, AND if she has her way, she will end up killing thousands of innocent Bolivians…"

"Sheesh?" Sasuke said. He was starting to get drunk already.

"…Technically, I think it's immoral for me not to kill her."

Naruto contemplates, "So what? Should I kill my mother for not letting me say goodbye to Kurama?"

"Yes," Gaara says, "Yes, you should?"

The blonde shakes his head and rolls his eyes, "That's a stupid reason."

"But I don't care how bad our moms are," Sasuke counters, "Okay? We're not murderers."

"Yeah", Gaara sits up straight and leans towards Sasuke, "Miss Uchiha, your mother, is ruining your life, you know that?"

Naruto nods in strong agreement with Gaara, "That's wrong–"

"Yes, that IS wrong."

"–It's affecting your possible marriage."

Sasuke snorts with ignorance, "Come on, she's not ruining it."

"Would your life be easier without her interfering with it?" Naruto gives him THE answer.

"Okay, you're right. Uh, you know what I'm gonna do?" Sasuke didn't look happy as he began to ramble as the two smiled in joy, "I'm gonna go to my mom's house, choke her in her sleep, maybe I'll slash her up… and I'll put her in a box and I'll mail her to you two, uh… 'tough-guy mafiosos'."

The pair were satisfied with the response, but Sasuke wasn't done.

"I'm done with this fucking bullshit conversation," he stood up and pushed in his chair. He stares and points at Gaara who was enjoying every single moment of this, "And you're paying for dinner because you've upset with that question."

He stumbles in his walk but continues to head towards the exit. Naruto and Gaara watch him go. But before he was out of their sight, they heard him one last time.

"You're paying… and I'm finding a cab somehow."

Gaara chuckles before taking a drink, "I was just speaking hypothetically, you know?"

And Naruto replied, smiling, "Me too. I'd never kill my mom."

…

 ** _(Sasuke's P.O.V)_**

'Kill our mom's'. What the fuck? Why would I do that? Sure I hated her whenever she crosses the line, but she was still my mom. I didn't hate her to the point I wanted her dead. I shook my head, not wanting to think about it. I was pretty sure we were all drunk so whatever we said, we had no idea WHAT we were saying.

So anyway, I was looking at x-rays of the teeth of my former and current patients, searching for some anomalies and similarities. That was until a pair of female hands suddenly covers my eyes.

"Guess who?" She asks.

I sigh sadly, and I wearily reply, thinking its mom, "You know, I'm really not in the mood for this right now…"

To my surprise, it was Sakura, "Not in the mood for what?" She asked sweetly.

"Hi!" I greeted with a high-pitched voice.

"Hi, babe!

"Oh, what are you doing here?"

"I invited her," another woman's voice said. It was mom leaning by her office door, wearing a nice grey business suit.

"Yes," Sakura waved at mom then back at me, "She called, and said that now that we're engaged, she wanted to offer me free dental work. And you know I have that loose filling."

"Uh huh," I listen tentatively as I took a quick glance at my mother biting her bottom lip as she came closer to us.

"This really was so, so sweet of you, Miss Uchiha."

"Oh, please. Come on, Sakura, it's my pleasure," mom embraces her gently, "You're part of the family now. And you can call me Mikoto, from now on."

The two of them giggle and they both look at me. I chuckle as I try to figure out an excuse, "But, um, I don't know if it's such a good idea, sweetie."

"Oh, why not?" Sakura's expression of happiness turned sad.

"Because… um… we are, uh, mixing pleasure… with business. Business and pleasure. We're taking advantage of my mom!"

Sakura gasps and looks at her. Mom snorts playfully, "Sasuke. There's nothing that you could do ever that would be taking advantage of me. Okay? And by the way, I need extra hands for this if you don't mind."

I couldn't say no, and I never faked a smile this much in my entire life.

"All right, you. Let's go say we pump you full of gas, huh?" Mom offered her.

She feels all giddy again, "Okay!"

"Okay," I reply quietly. As they turn around, mom winks and blows a kiss in my direction. I internally cry as I whisper, "Fuck me."

…

Sakura was lying on the chair with a nitrous mask over her nose. Mom and I were standing beside her. She counted from ten to one as she began to lose consciousness, "Ten… nine…"

Sakura looks at me and lifts her hand to touch my face. I bring her hand down and sweetly speak, "I don't know what you're doing with your hand."

"…Eight…"

"Put your hand in a safe place because there's a lot of sharp tools here."

"…Seven…" And she's out.

I then say, "Okay, there she goes…"

And almost immediately, mom pounces onto me, feverishly trying to unbuckle my belt, "Come here and give it to me!"

"Hey! Stop it, what are you…?"

She was now sideways on top of Sakura's unconscious body, she grunted, "You're gonna give me that dong, Sasuke."

I stare at her, "My dong?"

She licks her lips instead, "You're gonna fuck your mommy's slutty mouth."

"Okay, do you hear the words you say sometimes? I mean, who the fuck talks like that?"

Sakura groans softly, as mom observes her, "Let's have sex on top of her."

"What!?"

"Let's use her like a bed!" Mom begins to clamber up onto Sakura's supine body.

"Get down, get down. Hey, hey! Get off of her," I forcefully pull and push her away from my fiancé, "Goddamn you! That's it, okay? You know what? THAT'S crossing the line! So I'm done, mom."

She puts on her bitch face and puts her hands on her hips.

"Fuck this! I'm out, I don't need this in my life. So goodbye, I'm relocating. I'm done," as I reach down to turn off the gas…

"I'm gonna tell her you fucked me."

"What?"

"If you don't fuck me, I'm gonna tell her that you fucked me."

I snort and smirk, "Okay, tell her whatever the hell you want. She's not gonna believe you."

"Ouch," mom winces seductively, "I beg to differ."

"What do you mean?"

Mom walks over to her cabinets and opens a nearby drawer and takes out her iPad, "She already knows that you're a sex offender. And I think once she gets a look

at these… she's gonna believe me."

I nervously point at the tablet, "What's with the iPad?"

"Son, do you remember your first week here when I replaced the crown on your second bicuspid?"

Oh, I remember. It was late at night and mom was the only dentist around, "Yeah?"

She licks her lips again, "Well, I just, uh, decided to take a few pictures of the procedure."

Mom shows me the first out of four pictures: The first photo showed me lying down on mom's dentist chair, my eyes were open and his my behind my head with mom at my crotch, as if she was sucking me off.

"Oh my God," my heart skipped two beats in horror.

"Right?" She sounds like she was gossiping to a group of girls. She swipes left to the second. It shows her, now nude, straddling me, and I was also naked from the waist down on the chair. She held one arm in the air like a rodeo cowgirl.

"Oh no, what?" My hands were gripping my hair, just ready to pull some off.

"Oh. Ooh," she made moaning sounds. Swiping again, the third showed her on the floor, her legs splayed while I was lying limply on top of her.

"You... you did all this while I was unconscious?"

"Mm-hm. Yep," she replies as she moves to the fourth and final picture, "Ooh… this one's my FAVOURITE."

Mom was on all fours. Sasuke is limply draped over her back like I was doing her doggy-style.

"Before I say anything else," my hold up my hand as a pause, "How did you make it look like I was awake?"

"Taped your eyes open," she shrugs in the most surprisingly sexy way.

"Rape," I state bluntly.

"What?"

"Rape, that's a rape. This is rape! You raped me!" As I say the same 'r' word, my voice and pitch gradually get louder, "This is what raping is. You're a raper and you've raped me. Your own fucking son! That's a rape! RAPE!"

"Just relax there, Jodie Foster," she mocks me, "Don't get all dramatic. Your dick wasn't even hard!"

I swallow my words and they don't come out properly, but I managed to let out as I clutched my chest, "That… that does not give any relief!"

"But it will be next time, and if it is not… this little sweetheart right here is gonna get a peek at my little photo album and have her heart broken," She places the iPad down and suddenly becomes all professional, "Now, let's repair your fiancé's filling, shall we?"

I gape at her sudden change in attitude, completely dumbstruck as fuck.

 _ **…**_

 _ **I sincerely apologise if this is shorter than the other two. I will try and make it up to all of you and make chapter 4 longer. :)**_

 _ **Also, I am not homophobic of any sort. Just saying.**_

 _ **Anyways, I hope you enjoyed and keep those reviews coming. Remember, positivity keeps people going!**_


	4. The Murder Consultant

_**The support is still unreal! Thank you all so much!**_

 _ **As promised, this chapter will be longer than the last one. But just a little warning; this chapter will be very racist and may be offensive or hurtful to anybody who despises any kind of racism. But after all, this story is a parody of the movie which has a lot of racist jokes. I apologise for this inconvenience.**_

 _ **Either way, I still hope you enjoy it!**_

…

 _ **Chapter 4: The Murder Consultant**_

…

 _ **(Third Person View)**_

In Naruto's apartment that same night, he and Gaara are watching TV.

"I just gotta ask," Gaara sits up straight, holding a can of Dr Pepper, "Isn't Sasuke your roommate?"

"Yeah, why?" Naruto replies before sipping his can of Coca-Cola.

"Well, he's getting married," he points out, "Where does that leave you?"

I chuckle, "It's my apartment, which means he has to move out and I have to search for another roommate."

Gaara thinks for a moment, "Oh, okay." He goes back to watching the TV.

Suddenly, Sasuke unlocks the apartment door with a spare key Naruto had given him and walks in, screaming, "Hey!"

Gaara greets him, "What's up?"

"I'm in!" He yells again as he runs to the living room, "Let's kill this bitch!"

Naruto doesn't take his eyes off the screen, "What bitch?"

"'What bitch'? Guys, my mom. Our moms need to go," he runs to the living room and turns off the TV in the middle of their show and looks at Gaara who stands up, "You were right, man. We should do this thing."

Gaara laughs as Naruto also stands up, sighs and speaks, "Sasuke, we were drinking last night. And didn't you say yourself that killing was wrong?

"I know, but that was before my mom tried to fuck me on top of Sakura's unconscious body."

"Really?" Gaara's eyes widened as if he saw a pair of boobs in front of him. Naruto looked extra shocked.

"Yes, dude. She's gone fucking batshit crazy! She took a bunch of photographs of me, and they're gonna ruin my life!"

Gaara had the face of awe, "Where are they?"

"I don't have them and I won't show them to you, but it's a whole thing. So are you guys in or out?

"I was in last night," Gaara says and Sasuke gives him a high-five, "Naruto, what do you say?

"Please," he ignores by turning back on the TV screen, "Can we continue?"

"Naruto, come on."

"No!" He snaps, "We are not killing our moms!"

They both turn to Naruto who shows no interest as she continues to watch the TV. Gaara then spots the photo of Naruto with his dog on one of his shelves and grabs it off the wall to try and convince him, "Look at him. Look at Kuku."

"Kurama," the blonde corrects him. _Not even close to that one._

"Kurama, whatever it is. He didn't get to see to his owner before he died. Why? Because your bitch-bag mom for a boss wouldn't let you leave," Gaara attempts to sway him, "Right? What would Kurama want you to do?"

"Well, nothing since he was a dog. But if he was a person," Naruto chugs his entire Coca-cola, "He wouldn't want me to kill her." He walks away to the fridge, throwing the soda can into the garbage while doing so.

"Okay, forget about Kurama. He's dead. You gotta accept that." Sasuke says bluntly at Naruto's stubbornness.

"Yeah, this isn't even about Kurama. This is about YOU. What do you want, Naruto?" Gaara asks slowly.

"Well, obviously I want her out of my skin," he admits as he took out whiskey from the fridge.

Sasuke and Gaara clasp their hands as the latter yells, "Exactly! So let's do this!"

The blonde sighs, basically agreeing in a reluctant way.

"Wait," Gaara then scratches his head, "HOW do we do this?"

"I was thinking about that on my way over," Sasuke enthusiastically says, "You guys know that Sakura and I watch a ton of _Law & Order._ We're like… HUGE _Law & Order_ buffs-"

The maroon head listens intently as Naruto watches them tediously.

"-There are all sorts of ways that the criminals mess up, right? They leave behind skill cells and, uh, bullet casing-"

"Sperm," Gaara includes.

Sasuke clicks his fingers, "Yeah, actually. Most of the time, it's sperm."

"Silent killer," they begin discussing the show instead of the primary focus.

Naruto clears his throat, "Guys!"

The duo snaps out of it and Sasuke continues, "Anyways, that's not the point. Point is… we're not qualified. Which means we gotta get a professional."

"Are you talking about hiring a hitman?" Naruto is lost for words.

Sasuke only nods, while Gaara rubs his chin. He thinks hard on it, then a light bulb flashes, "You know, that's not bad. Yeah! I mean, we don't clean our own places or cut our own hair, right? No, we hire and pay someone to do that for us."

Naruto and Sasuke squint their eyes. The former speaks, "Actually we clean this apartment ourselves on weekends."

Then the latter, "Yeah, and Sakura cuts my hair."

"She does?" Gaara asks, surprised.

"Yeah."

"She have training for that?"

The brunette shakes his head, "Doesn't need it."

"I think she might," Naruto joins in before asking Sasuke the great question, "But where the hell are you two gonna find a hitman?"

Sasuke grins evilly, rubbing his hands together, "Why don't you guys leave that up to me, okay? I got this whole thing figured out-"

They look at him then at each other; they're seemingly impressed.

"-I'm gonna send you a text message tomorrow, and I'll tell you where to meet me."

Gaara then squints, "How come you don't just tell us now?"

Sasuke's grin freezes as his body stops. Naruto deadpans as he and Gaara raise both their eyebrows, "Well?"

"I don't have it all figured out. I got some of it figured out," Sasuke speaks quickly.

"Ah," Gaara nods, "Okay."

"I'm gonna go and take a nice long shower and sleep since I have a half-day tomorrow. Then I can start looking for one," he takes his leave for his room, "Good night, boys."

"Night!" The last two say in unison.

"Right, I'm gonna head off too," Gaara checks his watch, "I bargained for an early date with that UPS girl I met."

"Alright, see ya," Naruto waves him off as he watches him walk out the door. He drinks his glass of whiskey and breathes. He thought about the idea of killing their moms, but if he wanted peace, this was not the way to go. This was his mother, the one who raised him, nurtured him, gave him the life he has now, the one who… tricked him into drinking at 8:15 in the morning… the one who lied about him getting a promotion… and the one who blackmailed him if he ever thought about quitting. Naruto twitched as he cherished the early memories of his life with his mom, all the while heavily despising the now.

He recollected his thoughts and remembered what she said but it was in snippets, " _Let me make this clear…You weak, little fuck. I own you. You're my bitch…So don't make the mistake of thinking you have free will here…because you don't. I can crush you anytime…like. So settle in, because you are here for the long haul."_

"'Weak, little fuck', huh? That's funny," he cracks his neck and chuckles before asking, "Why did you lick and bite my ear, though?"

 _Tomorrow's gonna be a loooooong day,_ he thought as he poured some more whiskey on his glass.

…

 _ **(Sasuke's mini P.O.V)**_

Since it was half-day, I could leave early this afternoon. I was thinking, 'Thank, God!' But as of now, I was placing tooth X-rays into plastic contact sheets that were to be sent for second opinions from other dentists around the city.

Then I felt a presence behind me. It was obvious who it was. I could recognize that scent anywhere; Mom was licking my neck. Then she started sensually licking and kissing my ear while tweaking my nipples, mimicking 'cuckoo' sounds. And in contrast to before, I felt more unfazed, heck almost amused by her antics. And her realizing this, she nudged her head on my neck before smacking my butt and heading to her office. She was acting as if we were married. Fuck that, still! When she was gone, my eyes twitch as I watch her walk away. _Not for much longer._

Once I was out, it was time for me to go to work.

…

 _ **(Gaara's mini P.O.V)**_

Here I am, back at my desk in the chemical company the next day. I look up to see 'mom' opening her office door and walking out. Nobody saw, but I could; there was white cocaine powder in her nostrils. She spots me watching her and she sneers at me as she goes into the bathroom. Kankuro and Temari deadpan and brood at the way mom was treating and behaving around me as they were leaving for lunch.

"Gaara," Kankuro calls out.

"Yeah?"

Temari points out the main entrance, "You coming with us for lunch?"

I smirk, "Coming."

…

After lunch, I was free to leave like a bird who just learnt how to fly. But I didn't want to go back to the house because I found the place to be pretty boring, to be honest. It was too early to go to a strip club and I wasn't in the mood. And Matsuri was pretty banged up after the sex I gave her last night. She was amazing herself, too. Who knew? Definitely not me.

Then my iPhone vibrates and I see on the screen a Viber message from Sasuke.

 _S: 'Travel Inn' at 6 PM. I reserved a room; 227._

 _G: Got it. See you, then._

I jump into my own car and drove all the way back home where I quickly change and head out again. This was really happening…

…

 _ **(Naruto's P.O.V)**_

I never thought I'd say this, but now I was starting to hate it. Not that I have to work more, but the fact that I'm not the fucking Senior VP of fucking Sales! And that's not even the worst part. The worst part of all this was that I had to watch my mom and a couple of construction workers break the down the wall of that was meant to be my office. MY office. I even saw her smirking and laughing while she did it. And after an hour she had drilled in a silver and black plaque on the side of her new gigantic office that read:

 **KUSHINA UZUMAKI:**

 _ **President & Senior Vice President of Sales**_

It was still morning, which just adds to the worseness. It should have been my name. But it wasn't.

And sometimes mom would usually take a peek at my desk from her office and wave hello at me like she was so innocent and that nothing the other day had actually happened. And all I would do is slouch down my chair and ignore her waving. _Business as fucking usual!_ I couldn't wait to get out of this place.

…

After a lunch break with Shikamaru and Sai, I saw my mom hugging a female employee, Tenten, who was crying and saying 'thank you' numerous times. I didn't know what it was all about. I asked Rock Lee about it and he said she was being promoted. I could have smashed my entire workspace and jumped out the fucking window. But I value life, so I didn't. I sat back down my desk and continued working non-stop, angrily. Sadly, only after 15 minutes, my work is interrupted once mom leans on my desk.

"Afternoon, Naruto," she properly greets me for the first time this whole day, "How's my favourite invaluable member of this organisation doing?"

I laugh, controlling my anger as I do so, "Wouldn't you like to know, mom?"

"I just wanted an update and…" she pauses as she brushes some dust off her skirt. It was shorter than usual. Maybe that's just her? "…to see how things are holding up."

"We're fine," I say bluntly, "But I did get a call about a complaint that one of our customer service employees was being extremely rude to the customer."

She tilts her head and raises her eyebrow at me, "Why did they call you?"

"I don't know, I think they just assumed I was customer service," I joke in a monotone voice.

Mom giggles as she puts her shoulder on, "Oh, Naruto, you are so funny!" She weirdly nuzzles her head on my neck before she left for her office, "Keep up the good work, sweetie!"

Shikamaru was watching the whole thing unfold, "Didn't she call you a weak, little fuck or something two days ago?"

Now I really couldn't wait to get out of this fucking place!

…

Finally, it was night and once I got out of the office, I get a Viber message from Sasuke.

 _S: At the 'Travel Inn' motel. Gaara's here with me. Room 227._

 _N: Okay. Give me 30 minutes._

I get into my car and immediately drive back home, took a quick rinse and got dressed. Afterwards, I call and order a cab.

…

I see the 'Travel Inn' motel sign as I rode at the back of a taxi, and we come across a two-floor motel. I notice that there was a silver Toyota Prius in the parking lot; Gaara's second car. Getting out of the taxi and paying the driver his fee, I make my way up the stairs of the 'Travel Inn' and find Room 227 as told.

…

 _ **(Third Person View)**_

Naruto knocks on the door, only for Sasuke to open slightly as he put on a door chain and whispers, "Were you followed?

He looks at his friend, puzzled, "Wh… Why would I be followed?"

"People follow other people in these types of situations. Sure you weren't followed?"

"Oh, boy," the blonde shook his head as he knew he was going to have a field night with him, "What people?"

"Just take one quick look around, make sure."

Naruto impatiently taps the chain, "How about we put this down?"

"Look around, make sure some…" his sentence is interrupted by a now visibly upset Naruto who grabs Sasuke by the neck, "Alright, I'm sorry. Calm down! Calm down!"

"See this arm? That's what you get! Now shut the door, take the chain off and let me in!"

Sasuke winced as he did what he was told, "I pissed him off already."

"Already?" Gaara closed in eyes in disappointment.

Sasuke opens the door and Naruto comes in, "Anyways can someone tell me why we're all the way here again?"

"For starters, I don't think any of us would like an assassin in their homes," the maroon head gives his reasoning.

"Yeah, we don't want this guy knowing where we live," Sasuke pats Naruto shoulder as he goes to sit on the bed, "Use your head."

"Hang on a minute," the blonde had his hands up to stop them from speaking any further. He felt stressed, "You guys already went ahead and found someone and he's coming here?"

Sasuke and Gaara laugh in excitement, the former holding his laptop.

"Not 'we'," Gaara pointed at Sasuke, "Him, all by himself."

"Mhm, I found a guy," Sasuke brags, "It was pretty easy. Easy as buying used futon."

In disbelief, Naruto asks, "You found a hitman, online?"

"Yeah. But they don't write 'hitman', right? Because that's dumb," Sasuke explains, "So they use little code words, like wet work? Liquidation. I mean check him out."

Naruto looks at the screen of Sasuke's laptop. On the website, the main heading reads 'WET WORK PROFESSIONAL' and shows the profile of the hitman. Naruto reads the short biography, "Skilled professional with years of experience in domestic and international wet work. Fast and discreet. No children, no political figures." _This was still a bad idea._

"That last bit was important," Gaara points out the last sentence like a child, "When I saw it, I thought 'this is a good idea'."

 _No, it still wasn't._

As they continued talking, Naruto faintly hears a car door closing and someone locking with his car keys that sounded off, "Is that him?"

"Oh, shit!" Gaara jumped out of bed, "That was definitely a car."

Sasuke closes his laptop and jolts towards the window where he looks out, he gasps like a fanboy, "Guys! Come and fucking check this out!"

They gather around him and look out. A distinguished-looking man in a well-tailored suit steps out of his black Jaguar F-type, wearing an expensive looking pair of sunglasses, carrying a briefcase.

"Nice car," Naruto comments. _Maybe he is legit? Still… BAD IDEA!_

Gaara was staring, "He looks like James Bond."

"He really does, dude!" They close the curtains so the hitman wouldn't see. The pair continue their kiddy talk, "I bet you he carries one of those guns that you screw together?"

"Yeah?"

"Those are like the coolest guns they make, man!"

Naruto was amazed, and not in a good way, at their current stupidity because he knew they were smarter than this. He scolds them both, "Guys! This is so fucking dangerous. What if HE is an undercover cop!"

"Oh, come on!" Gaara shrugs off the idea, "That guy looks fucking legit!"

"Okay, then. What if it's the real thing; he charges us more money that our moms combined can't even afford, he gets pissed off, and kills us?" He challenges Sasuke in a speedy voice, "Law & Order buff, right? Think about it!"

"He's not gonna kill the three of us," even Sasuke shrugs it off. And then he stops as his smug attitude fades and his eyes widen, "Hold on."

"That's a thing?" Gaara thinks about it as well.

"Could that happen?" A knock comes from the door. It was him.

Naruto can't argue anymore, "You gotta let him in now."

Gaara breathes and asks him, "Okay, how's my hair?"

"What do you mean 'how's your hair'? It's fine."

"Okay, let's do this," he tells Sasuke as they come close to the door, "Ready?"

Sasuke nods in pure excitement as Naruto stands by and watches in pain. _Bad… fucking… idea._

Gaara composes himself and opens the door to reveal the hitman standing in front of him. He speaks in a deep voice than it already is, "Yeah?"

Naruto silently hits his head because of that and the fact that Sasuke hid behind the door.

"Are you, Sasuke?" The hitman asks. He had a soothing British accent like Henry Cavill.

Gaara points to the brunette, who slowly reveals himself by the door and introduces himself awkwardly, "I'm… I am the one they call Sasuke. Please come in."

"Thank you," the hitman nods gently and comes inside. When he turns his back to look around the place, Gaara smiles widely which goes away once the hitman speaks, "Are all three of you participating in this?"

The trio stand by one another.

Naruto stands silently, "Well, um…"

Gaara speaks quickly while clearing his throat, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Yep."

"Yes," Sasuke says, fixing his top.

"Very well", the hitman eyes them all before placing his briefcase down. He adjusts his suit and speaks again, "Very well. Now before we go any further, I need to know if there are any hidden recording devices in this room. I will find out if there are."

They all remain silent, until the brunette replies, "I'm sure you would, but there's none because that would be stupid of us-"

"It's a silly move," Gaara butts in.

"-because we're NOT stupid."

Naruto sighs and simply states, "It's a no."

"Then let's get started," the hitman takes his shades off and walks to the middle of the living room, and opens up his briefcase, leaving the trio to silently discuss.

Gaara whispers to Sasuke, "I love this guy-"

"This is the real deal-"

"-His voice, are you kidding?"

"-He's legit," he then talks to the hitman, "And you do know that we just wanna start with a…?"

He stops to witness the hitman take out a black plastic tarp which he proceeds to unfurl over the carpet. The guys look at the tarp in confusion.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Gaara stops, "Hey, wait, what's that for?"

The hitman says straightforwardly, "For the mess."

"What?"

"We wouldn't want to leave a stain, now would we?"

 _Fucking stupid idea!_ Naruto bites his fingers then tightly crosses his arms, "Oh my God. I knew it."

"So who's first?"

The brunette pleads,"'Who's first?' No-"

Gaara reasons with the hitman, "We don't want you to kill us!"

"-We want you to kill another person," he taps Naruto, "If anyone's first, it's probably him."

"No. Goddamnit!" Naruto jumps in his place.

The hitman calms them down. He was just as confused as them, "Gentlemen, gentlemen, what are you talking about?"

The confusion went from 100% all the way to 200%. Sasuke stutters, "Y… yo… your ad says you do 'wet work'?"

"That's correct… I urinate on other men for money."

…What? All their brains were shut down. Gaara had his mouth gaping wide open and Naruto stares down directly to the floor. The both of them simultaneously ask questions;

"What was that?"

"What'd he say?"

Sasuke stares at the 'hitman' and whispers, "I think he said he pisses on dudes."

The 'hitman' then breathes, now upset, "Why else do you think my ad was in the "men seeking men" section?"

Then the trio realized who this 'hitman' was. He was a male prostitute. Naruto and Gaara rotate their bodies to look at Sasuke, both angry.

"Where was it?" The Uchiha's brain was still somewhere else.

Gaara fumed as if there was steam coming out of his nostrils, "You FUCKING IDIOT-"

"Could you be dumber?" Naruto includes.

"-Why in the fuck were you looking in the 'men seeking men'…!?" Gaara swore, he could literally just punch the shit out of him.

Sasuke interrupts him, holding up his hands in defense, "Technically, we are men looking for a man!"

Naruto is in complete madness, "How the fuck do people let you work on their teeth!?"

The male prostitute walks up to them, threateningly and feeling u, "So you're telling me I drove all the way and nobody wants to be pissed on?" He folds up his shades and puts them in his breast pocket.

"Yeah," Gaara apologises sincerely, "It's not our thing."

"We're sorry about this," Naruto gives a sympathetic smile.

The prostitute sighs, "Can I use your toilet? I stored up a rather large amount of pee for this."

"Sure," Gaara says kindly and points to the bathroom, "Yeah, it's right through there. Knock yourself out."

"Thank you," he replies and as he makes his way there, he stops, "Oh, and by the way, I still want my $200."

Naruto just nods, "Understandable."

"We insist," Gaara adds.

They both look at their idiot friend. Naruto berates him first, "$200, huh? Wow, what a fucking bargain."

"To kill three people?" Gaara puts his face near him.

Sasuke looks at them both innocently, "I thought it was such a good deal."

"You dipshit," he rubs his eyes in anger, "Unbelievable."

"This reflects poorly on me that you're my friend," Naruto points out. They then notice that the bathroom door was open and they hear the piss from the male prostitute going into the toilet.

"Hear what's going on in there?" Gaara points to the prostitute, "That was almost all over us!"

"Gaara, I'll be in your car," The blonde growls and walks towards the main door, he was leaving.

"Yup, coming," the green eyed friend follows and tells Sasuke, "And you're paying him, by the way."

Sasuke knows that was his punishment. But he was a dentist and he had money. He pulls out his wallet and takes out two $100 bills and calls out to the prostitute, "Sir! I'm going to leave your money on the bed."

He places it on the bed as he said himself and heads for the door, _God, he would have drenched us… still a good thing I didn't call the guy who was offering to do 'dirty work.'_

…

Now, they were driving down the highway. Gaara drove his Toyota Prius so it wouldn't catch any attention. Naruto was riding shotgun and Sasuke sat at the back. "Okay," the brunette speaks, "I'm gonna take the blame on that one."

Gaara laughs and Naruto lightly chuckles.

"That's big of you," the blonde scratched his eyebrow, "But you bet your ass you're taking the blame."

"Mhm," Gaara agrees, "You SHOULD take the blame."

"But it was an honest mistake…"

Gaara raises his hand to shush him, "And that's not how you find a killer."

"Oh and you know how to find a killer?" Sasuke challenges.

"I bet I… Yeah, hey, you know what? I got an idea," Gaara reaches up and pushes a button connected to the rear-view mirror.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke and Naruto say at the same time.

A male voice comes over the speaker in an Indian Accent, " _Good evening, Mister Gaara. Thank you for contacting Nav-Guide. My name is Gregory. How may I be of service this evening?"_

"Hey listen, Gregory, I need you to direct me and my buddies to the most dangerous bar here in Los Angeles," Gaara responds, "Can you help us with that?"

"No," Naruto shakes his head, "We're going to dinner."

" _I beg your pardon?"_

"Yeah, we're looking for a bar filled with criminals. Lowlife thugs, hard-core shitheads," Gaara says more specifically, "What do you got for us?"

Naruto interrupts, "Nope, how about this? Let's go to a restaurant."

" _I'm afraid our listings are not organized by danger, sir,"_ Gregory says, " _I do see there's an Applebee's three blocks from your location."_

"Perfect," Naruto clasps his hands.

Gaara squints, "Eh, not really helpful-"

"Yes, helpful," the blonde argues.

Sasuke then speaks up, "They're not the kind of shitheads we need, Gregory. Is there anything else?"

" _Well, I could direct you to a bar within a neighborhood with the greatest number of carjackings?"_ Gregory suggests.

Gaara smiles and nods; he likes the idea, "Now we're thinking outside the box."

"Guys!?" Naruto begs, "I want to go to dinner!"

"That's perfect, Gregory. Thank you," Gaara compliments

" _Very good, sir. You may wish to lock your doors."_

…

After almost an hour of driving, Naruto started rambling, "Ugh, this is worse than getting pissed on!"

"Don't say that, please?" Sasuke sighs.

"No, seriously! I'd rather get pissed on!"

Gaara continues driving all the while looking around and seeing where they were, "Jesus. You weren't kidding, Gregory. This is, uh, a bad part of town. Are you still on the line?"

" _I'm still here, sir,"_ Gregory reassures.

Sasuke then sits in the middle and scooches up further, "Hey, I'm always curious about these things, but is your real name Gregory?"

" _Uh, no, sir. My real name is Atmanand."_

Gaara is taken aback but kept his eyes on the road, "How the hell did you get Gregory from that?"

" _Oh… Gregory was assigned to me by Nav Guide."_

"Why not let you use your real name?" Now Naruto was curious.

" _They say many people who are not Indian find our real names hard to pronounce,"_ he explains.

"Oh yeah," Gaara snorts, "I'm not gonna play by their rules anymore, okay? From now on I'm gonna call you Ahmenan."

"Atmanand," Naruto pronounces it correctly.

"That's what I said, Ammenand."

"Atanad," Sasuke attempts too but fails.

" _Atmanand."_

Gaara gives up, "You know what? I'm gonna call you Gregory, that name's a fucking nightmare."

"Dude," Sasuke as he and Naruto look at Gaara, "Not cool."

"You just hurt his feelings," the blonde shook his head,

"No, I didn't."

"Gregory, we apologize for that," Sasuke says.

" _It is alright, sir. I am used to racism_ ," he chuckles and after a while, he speaks again, " _You have arrived at your destination."_

"All right. Thank you, Gregory," Gaara says.

" _You are most welcome, sir,"_ he replies calmly before ending the call. There was not even a hint of anger, " _Just a reminder, if your vehicle were to be stolen, it is the Nav-Guide protocol for us to contact the police to wherever the carjacker may go. Your vehicle will automatically shut down when done so."_

"Thanks, Atmanand/Gregory," they all say disjointedly as Gaara ends the call. Shortly after, Gaara pulls up on a grimy-looking South-Central street and stops in front of a dingy bar. The trio get out and look around warily.

"So you're not worried about your car?"

"Nah, Gregory's got it," Gaara reminds, "And besides, it's a fucking Prius."

They all stare at the shabby bar and Naruto speaks up, "Do you seriously think that we're gonna find a hitman in there?"

"I think we're gonna have a hard time deciding between all the hitmen in there. Trust me, these are the lowest of the low," Gaara replies and breathes, "All right? All right, here we go."

"Actually," Sasuke begins to have second thoughts, "This is a really bad idea."

"This is a GREAT idea," Gaara retorts.

"So what, you're gonna go in and yell "anybody here kill for money"?" Naruto mimics.

"No…" He scratches his head, "Maybe?"

Naruto groans as he facepalms, "That is a terrible plan."

He flails his arms around to shut them up and then reassures them, "Just follow me. Okay? I got this."

The three guys enter the squalid, smoky place. The room is full of surly-looking PATRONS, none of them white or Asian. The majority of them turn to stare at the trio.

"Oh, real nice, Gaara," Sasuke whispers to him sarcastically, "What a way to be a fucking racist!"

Gaara defends himself, "This isn't a race thing. We need a criminal and this neighborhood is where they live. I'm not saying that's because there are a lot of black people here. That's the fault of our society that discriminates and disenfranchises them."

They make their way to the bar area and Naruto observes everyone like a ninja, "You said they were the lowest of the low."

"I was speaking socio-economically."

"Jesus Christ," Naruto murmurs.

"Just let me handle this," he says as they each take a seat at the bar where a no-nonsense looking bartender walks over to them.

"Yeah?" The bartender asks nicely.

"Hey. How are you doing? Nice place," Gaara leans in, "Listen, does anyone here kill people for money?"

"Gaara!" Naruto scolds like a parent.

"The fuck you just say?" The bartender says in a strong African-American accent as he stares at Gaara intensely.

"Please, don't get me wrong. It's not a race thing," the maroon head stutters, "Uh, I believe that society discriminates and disenfranchises you, folks."

Sasuke puts his hands on his head, "Oh, fuck."

The bartender repeats Gaara's words, " _You folks?_ "

Naruto cringes, "Subtle, Gaara… very subtle."

"Man, I'm a small-business owner," the bartender explains coldly, "Who the hell are you calling disenfranchised?"

"Well I… didn't mean you in particular, in that instance," Gaara continued to defend his statement. Obviously, it wasn't working.

"Right. You mean ALL black people."

"Yes," Gaara snaps his fingers.

"No!" Sasuke shouts. He couldn't believe how indirectly racist Gaara was being.

No longer being able to take this any further, Naruto gets off the chair and leaves, "I'm gonna be in the car."

The bartender goes down and picks up a giant metal object hidden under the bar. Sasuke takes notice of it and gets off his chair as well, "Oh, a baseball bat… nice."

Gaara now realizes his mistake and apologise, "I'm sorry. I, uh, didn't mean to offend you, if that's how you feel. I think, uh… if you knew better, you'd know my heart's in the right place."

"Well, in about five seconds, your heart's gonna be in the WRONG place."

Sasuke slams his hand on the table, "Gaara, I think we should go."

As they leave, another intense-looking guy on the next stool watches them leave. He gets up and follows them.

…

Naruto waited impatiently by the car. Once he sees Gaara and Sasuke come out of the bar, he starts snapping his fingers and pointing ferociously at the car.

"Don't say a word," Gaara says heavily embarrassed, "I know. I'm an idiot as well."

"Hit the button. Hit the button," Naruto replies ferociously.

"Guys, I don't know. Should we just…?" Sasuke was interrupted by the intense-looking guy.

"Hey, fellas," he was not African-American, but Asian like them. He had messy brown hair and sharp black eyes. Also definitely the same age as them, about mid-20s, wearing a black leather jacket with a white shirt underneath and jeans. He looked like a greaser especially with the old aviator glasses, "I think I can help you guys."

The trio look at him then at each other. Sasuke asks, "Is that for us?"

The guy gestures for them to follow him into the alley beside the bar, and Naruto shakes his head, "Not interested, thank you." However, Gaara and Sasuke move to follow. And he snaps again, "Hey, hey, hey!"

They don't listen as they continue to follow the guy.

Naruto sighs loudly, "Let's follow a strange guy into a dark corner. Fucking great idea."

Once they were in the alleyway, the stranger leans in to the three guys, "I heard you're looking for someone to help take care of some business for you?"

Gaara is the first to speak up, "Yep."

"Well, um…" Naruto surprisingly asks, "Are YOU a businessman?"

"Yeah," he replies, "Motherfucker Jones."

They stare at him blankly, and Naruto raises his eyebrow, "Come again?"

The guy repeats slowly, "Motherfucker… Jones."

Sasuke looks up to the sky then back, "So, wait… Your first name is 'Motherfucker'?"

"Last name Jones, you gotta problem with that?" he taunts the brunette.

"Now, we got it. Cool name," Sasuke compliments, "But your Asian. So… Is that on your birth certificate too?"

"Nah, it ain't, goofball…," the man chuckles. He takes off his shades and reveals himself to be… "Guys, it's me, Kiba!"

"KIBA!?" They all shouted together.

"Yeah!" The four of them started laughing and hugging.

"Oh, man! Kiba, it's great to see ya!" Naruto said, patting his back, "Last time we saw you was when you dropped out of college!"

"Yeah, well my mom lost her job so I had to find work and help out," he explains, "By the way, as another alias, I go by Dean Jones."

Naruto chuckles, "Dean Jones. Same name of the actor in _Herbie, the Love Bug_."

"Yup, it's just that I can't walk around in this fucking neighborhood with that Disney-ass name, though."

"Hmm," Sasuke nods, "So how'd you get the name Motherfucker?"

Kiba chuckles, "Oh, wouldn't you like to know?"

"Hell, yeah." The trio listen in.

"Okay," the Inuzuka clears his throat, "This happened two years ago; I snuck into my mother's bedroom one night-"

The trio had lost all interest, Sasuke in particular, "Ooh."

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah, I don't think any of us want to know anymore…" Naruto didn't want to hear this.

"-She was laying there naked," he becomes intense as he remembered, "And her skin was glistening-"

"I've heard enough," Gaara states.

"-She had been drinking all night-"

Sasuke speaks in his high-pitch voice, "We get it."

"-And then I pulled my pants down, and then I stuck _it_ -"

"AH!" The three had their faces covered.

"-Into her mouth…"

The trio made noises of disinterest, shivering in disgust. Naruto felt like vomiting, "Are you done?"

Kiba wasn't done, "-I fucked her mouth and did her doggy so good she passed out afterwards. Then I slipped my fingers… into her purse."

"Purse?" Sasuke asked but no one complied, "What the fuck does he mean by purse?"

"I took her money, her whole week's pay. I really fucked her over, both physically AND financially. That's how I got the nickname 'Motherfucker'," Kiba sounded really proud of his 'achievement', "So what do you guys need help with?"

The three weren't sure if they would recover from such a story told, but they managed to as Naruto went back to talk about the main topic, "Okay… Kiba, we each have a boss that…"

"-Just happen to be our moms," Gaara helps him out, "And they're giving us constant hell at work."

"And for us to live our live peacefully," Sasuke finishes, "We want them… killed."

"Jeez," Kiba is amazed, "You want your own moms dead?"

"Pretty much," Sasuke replies instantly.

The Inuzuka contemplates the idea, "You got the cheese?"

Gaara knew the term 'cheese'; another way of saying money, "What kind of cheese are you thinking?"

"What is it, three hits?" The trio nod and Kiba thinks of a price, "300 large."

"$300,000?" Naruto's eyes widen, "Woah, that's a lot."

"Done," Gaara shakes Kiba's hand. _That quick?_ Naruto and Sasuke thought, _Oh yeah, he's rich._

"Okay, meet me inside the bar's diner area tomorrow night with the cash, and I'll take care of the rest," he says as he high-fives and shakes all their hands, "Oh and call me by the nickname if you like, so other people don't get confused."

"You got it," Sasuke inquires, "But do you want the money in something specific, like a shoebox, or a duffel bag?"

"No," Kiba puts on his shades and walks away, "Just be here tomorrow with the money. Put it in a briefcase."

…

The next day, and they sat in the bar's diner area. The trio sat together on one side while Kiba on the other. Gaara puts a briefcase on the table and gently pushes it to Kiba. He opens briefcase reveals more than ten stacks of $100 bills.

He smiles as he closes it immediately, "Thank you, fellas. Looks like everything is in there."

"And what is your projected outside date of completion, 'Motherfucker'?" Naruto questions.

Kiba takes a long hard sip on his drink, "Ah, I forgot to mention that I just got back from doing a dime for some other, really nasty shit-"

Gaara whispers to Sasuke, "That's 10 years."

"I know."

"-They're looking at me. I'm on probation. And if I step out of the line again… I'm going back."

"Understood," Naruto says quietly.

Kiba looks down on the table in silence, leaving the three confused.

"Period? End of story?"

Sasuke eyes to pair, "What does that mean?"

Gaara blinks, "Wait. I thought you said you were gonna take care of it?"

"Yeah, I'll take care of it," he gestures for them to come in closer, "I'm gonna be your professional advisor. Think of me as your MURDER CONSULTANT."

The trio are stunned, then they chuckle in shock and anger. Sasuke grits his teeth hard, "No, Kiba. That's not cool. We don't want a murder consultant. We want a MURDERER."

Gaara cracks his neck before joining in, "Listen, that is not what we talked about, Motherfucker. So how about we just take the money and we'll get out of here?"

"How about you go fuck yourself? No refunds," he smirks at them.

Naruto cracks as well, "Kiba, that is $300,000. If you think we're just gonna walk out and let you keep that…"

"You know, I might have been friends with you in college," Kiba's smirk disappears as he threateningly pulls back the lower edge of his jacket to reveal what appears to be the holster of an M1911 pistol. The three back up, "But I think you're forgetting who you're talking to now."

"Whoa, whoa! Okay, we don't want any trouble," Sasuke says as they raise their hands, "Kiba, please don't shoot us; let's just talk this out."

"Listen, the $300,000 is mine. I don't care what you say," his voice was soothing yet pretty scary, "Now either you take the advice you paid for, or you can fuck off outta here with nothing. It's up to you."

The Uchiha argues back, "But that is a terrible deal!"

"We should listen to him," Gaara suggests instead.

Naruto sighs, "Okay, $300,000 worth of advise?"

"Most killers are first-timers. If you guys wanna pull off a brilliant murder, you gotta act like it's an accident," Kiba then lists them down, "Failed brakes, gas leaks, suicide. You do it right, you don't even have to be there when it actually goes down."

They stare at their 'old friend'.

"Oh boy," Naruto says unenthusiastically, "That's 300 grand worth, huh?"

"It's pretty pedestrian knowledge," Sasuke sighs.

Gaara places his hands on the table and slouches, "Obvious information, isn't it?"

"Sounds like Scooby-Doo," Naruto sounds frustrated, "Kiba that makes sense, but how in the hell are we supposed to fake three accidents?"

"You stalk them, as if they're prey," Inuzuka explains as he held his temple, "Gotta be smart. They're your moms, so you know where they live and how they behave. Find out about what their hobbies are. Find out who they're fucking or trying to fuck-"

Sasuke smirks and thinks, _Oh, wouldn't YOU like to know?_

"-Find them at their most vulnerable. But just remember this; even if you pull it off perfectly… if you guys got motives… the police… will pin it to you."

Naruto leans in, "Kiba, we all have clear motives for killing our moms… so this is not gonna work. This is garbage."

Kiba holds out his hand, trying to think of something else. A light bulb flashed in his brain, "I got it. Why don't you kill each other's moms?"

They tilted their heads left right and center, contemplating the idea, "That's…" Gaara thought.

"It's not bad."

Gaara starts nodding his head, "Yeah, like Hitchcock's _Strangers on a Train_ , right?

Kiba points out him; he was on the right lines.

"I didn't see that movie, but that's the plot?" Naruto asks and Gaara nods back at him.

"Danny DeVito movie. It's funny," Sasuke says.

"That famous Alfred Hitchcock, Danny DeVito movie. That's the one he's-" Gaara stops and smacks Sasuke for confusing him and the latter himself.

"Ow! What the hell?"

"-Come on, you idiot. You're thinking of _Throw Momma From the Train_."

"Oh, that's what it is." He begins laughing as he recalls the film.

Naruto laughs as he thinks back on the movie, "That I saw. Good movie."

"That's what he's thinking about," Gaara says before talking to Kiba, "But it's the same idea, though. If we kill each other's moms, there's no link to us, right?"

"Exactly… or… how about this; you don't kill your moms and just do what I did to mine?"

"Hmm?" They all expressed.

"You can just fuck your moms."

For the millionth time or so, their brains shut. But then when they were rebooted… they thought about it. For Naruto and Gaara, they think it wouldn't do anything but worsen their situation, as Kushina is technically a sadist and Naruto himself may actually become her bitch. And in Gaara's case, Karura would become both a cocaine and sex addict. This idea only works for Sasuke, but he wouldn't do it because he's stubborn and would rather kill her than have sex with her.

Kiba smiles, "$300,000 well spent, right?"

They all answered in the same manner.

"No."

"Not at all."

"It's a waste of money."

"Well," Kiba puts on his shades and puts the briefcase on his side, "That's too fucking bad… now get out."

…

 _ **To all who are really dying and waiting for some actual sex scenes… you will all get one very soon.**_

 _ **I was really contemplating putting the actual Motherfucker Jones from the movie, but it would have been a crossover rather than a parody, and since Kiba is actually one of my favourite characters on the show, I figured this would work. I hope it does.**_

 _ **I also hope the inclusion of Gregory from the movie works as well.**_

 _ **Please let me know what you thought about this chapter and once again, I apologise if I offended anybody. See you all soon!**_

 _ **P.S: I'm going to be very busy for the next few weeks so updates won't be as fast.**_


	5. Three Crimes in One!

_**Again, overwhelming support! I literally have no words to describe it. Many thanks to the new followers to the story as well!**_

 _ **I also realised that there was a small error in Chapter 3 when I read the entire chapter again, same with chapter 2. Both errors have been fixed if anyone was concerned. And as you all know from my author's note last chapter, I've been extremely busy so just remember that updates will longer than usual. :)**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

…

 _ **Chapter 5: Three Crimes in One!**_

…

 _ **ONE WEEK LATER…**_

 _ **(Gaara's P.O.V)**_

I sat in my car parked just outside the parking lot of Naruto's workplace. I dial his phone number and wait for a response.

" _Hello?"_ Naruto asked.

"Hey. I'm outside. You ready to do a little bit of recon?"

" _Yep. Yeah, I just have to get my mom to let me leave a little bit early,"_ he whispers.

I snort disrespectfully, "What's the difference? It's not like she'll be around for much longer."

Naruto sighs, " _Give me five minutes."_

"Five minutes it is. Bye," I hang up and I tap Sasuke who had brought his seat all the way back up, he was resting, "He'll be down in five minutes."

"Okay," he stretches as much as he can in such cramp space, "Dude, these seats are crazy comfortable."

"I know right? Check this out" I prepare to bring my whole chair down, "Ready?"

"Yeah," Sasuke and I pull our seats all the way.

"Ah," We say together in unison. They were in pure bliss.

…

 _ **(Naruto P.O.V)**_

I hang up the phone, thinking about how I'm gonna escape early. I had to convince my mom, or else she'd pretty much fire me. If I get fired before I kill her, this would have all been for nothing. I'd just be an out-of-work murderer with a motive known by many as revenge.

I peer over my cubicle wall to see mom talking to another employee nearby, a male. And she did not look happy.

"This is the worst report I have ever read in my goddamn life, you idiot," myself and a band of my other coworkers in their cubicles secretly witness her berate this poor guy. She was ripping up his report into little pieces right front of him before throwing them all into his face, "You're such a fucking dumbass. Do you have a parking space? Because I'm gonna take it away from you. Who is it, like your mother-in-law that knows my wife? How you got this fucking job in the first place, I don't even understand."

 _Hmm… maybe I should kill you. Or maybe I should take Kiba's second piece of advice and just fuck you senseless. Maybe I should do both?… We'll see how things go down from here on._

Now I still had to figure out a way to get my ass out of here. I took a long hard breath, leaned over my garbage pail and stuck a Comtronix pen down my throat. But before I could do that, Shikamaru notices me, "Naruto, what are you doing?"

"You will not speak of this, understand?" I look at him threateningly. People always tell me that I have these eyes whenever I glare at them, it's apparently _scary_. Now, with Shikamaru's expression, it just proves their point. He nods and I continue.

I begin to vomit. At the sound of my loud vomiting, I was glad mom looked over. But something was off because I expected her to go nuts like she did with that guy; she looked very concerned, "Oh my God, Naruto! Are you okay?"

 _Huh?_ A lot of employees looked at me in disgust and some concern, I stand up and pretend, looking all groggy and nauseated, "Sorry, everybody. I've been fighting that bug all day. Let me get back to work."

Mom had already come to my side and she rubs my back, "No, no, no. Naruto, go home and rest. You're sick."

"Oh, okay. Thanks, mom," I turn to grab my jacket, sounding a little unsettled by her change in behaviour. I also get my documents knowing she would tell me to bring them home. But she stops me for some reason.

"No, Naruto," she says kindly, taking my documents, "I'll do your work for you. Now you go home and get some rest."

Her behaviour was something else. Being nice to me all of a sudden, much? Anyway, it didn't matter to me, I just wanted to get out of this heaven turned shit-hole place.

I was out of the office and got into Gaara's car. We drove to my apartment first so I could get changed to a more comfortable attire before heading out again.

…

 _ **(Third Person View)**_

Gaara car pulls his car up slowly and parks just outside his home. It was grand and modern; huge parking garage and a nice front lawn. He, Sasuke and Naruto slump down in their seats, viewing the house, "Okay, boys, as soon as my mom makes a move, we go in."

"It's your house," Sasuke points out, "Aren't you welcome inside?"

"I am, but here's the thing," Gaara starts, "We're gonna be doing recon, which means we will be doing stuff that will be suspicious to the naked eye."

Naruto nods slightly, "Your siblings home?"

"No. I had Temari and Kankuro go for vacation; they can't stand mom anymore," Gaara explains before going back to their surveillance and reconnaissance task, "But it's on now, yeah? Ready?"

"It is on like Donkey Kong," Naruto jokes as he rubs his hands together as the trio laugh and chuckles lightly.

"Man, I'm fucking pumped!" Sasuke comments as they begin to watch the house with stiff determination.

…

"Oh, my God. This sucks," Gaara groans, slouching on his chair. It had been an hour and the guys were already bored out of their minds, barely even awake to do anything. Heck to even speak, especially for Naruto.

"This is horrible, man," Sasuke was nibbling on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a plastic bag, "Like, I don't get it. On TV, surveillance always looks so great. They've got their cups of coffee. Their sunflower seeds and talk about their lives. And then, right when they reveal something really intimate, the perp appears and they spring into action."

"Yeah," Naruto yawns for almost 5 seconds, and after a long hard pause, a thought came into his head and he asks Gaara, "Are we even sure that your mom's inside the house?"

They exchange looks at each other awkwardly; Gaara to Naruto, Naruto to Sasuke and Sasuke to Gaara, and vice versa before looking back at the maroon head's massive estate. The trio unfastens their seatbelts and get out of the car slowly before heading into the house.

…

The three guys steadily creep around the patio, peeking in doors and windows.

"I don't see her anywhere," Naruto comments as his head manoeuvres around the outside of a window sill, "Gaara, what do you think?"

Gaara looks at the house from a certain distance. He breathes, opens the front door with his own set of keys that he took out from his pockets and simply walks in like it was nothing. Naruto and Sasuke dashes inside to stand and walk by him. The latter speaks, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Well, we're not even gonna get any intel if we're just standing in front of my fucking lawn, are we?" Gaara points out, spot on, or so he thinks, "Besides, you're right, it's my house… that's probably empty right now."

"Do we have to worry about security cameras?" Naruto asked.

"Glad you asked that," Gaara explained, "I had them all closed myself."

"Nice," Sasuke rubs his hands, "Okay, so what do we do? What's the plan?"

"We're here to get some intel," Gaara said.

"'Intel?'"

"It's short for 'intelligence'."

"I know what it stands for. I'm not stupid."

"Then why did you ask me?"

"Why are we talking about this? Why don't we split up?" Naruto suggests, "Gaara, since you know this place more than the two of us combined, you go upstairs. Sasuke; you and I will be down here."

"Got it," Gaara and Sasuke nod and give thumbs up.

Before he left Naruto added, "We find something good, then we're out of here."

"We're committing a fucking crime," Sasuke murmurs to himself nervously, "This is a crime."

…

 _ **(With Gaara)**_

Gaara slowly crept up the grand stairwell and was now on the second floor. It was a long hallway but the first thing he decided to do was scavenge around his parents master bedroom, located at the far end of the corner. He walked straight but slowly, not wanting to make a noise, even if he thought it was just him and the guys in the house. As he continued moving, he took notice of a credenza that showed a collection of family photos and a photo album in the center. He stops and bends down to look. He put on a sad smile as he picked up one of them. It was a picture of when he was just an infant, being held by his mother, who was in the center, surrounded by his dad, Temari and Kankuro.

 _The good old days…_ Gaara thought before placing it back to its previous position. He picks up the photo album and scans through a lot of his pictures from when he was a baby all the way until he was a high school graduate. All the pictures with his mom were hugs, kisses and laughing. And it wasn't until college that he last _saw_ his real mother; when she got into drugs. He sighs sadly and puts back the album and gives one more thought before focusing on his task, _I miss the old you, Mom._

Once he finally reached the master bedroom door, before opening it, he prayed that nobody would be inside. He slowly opens the door and enters; he suddenly feels cold as the air conditioner was blowing into his face. He begins to shiver and freezes in his place. His prayer wasn't answered.

His mother, Karura, was in the room. Sleeping peacefully in her silky nightgown.

 _Son of a bitch…_

…

 _ **(With Naruto and Sasuke)**_

Naruto and Sasuke move into the living room. There's a leather sofa, a 60-inch plasma screen TV with enormous speakers. On the wall are framed posters depicting dragons and half-naked girls.

"Wow," Sasuke comments on the living room, "It's like a douchebag museum."

"Mhm," the blonde replies, "Except that Gaara's not a douchebag."

"Yup," they continue their search around the large area until Sasuke stumbled across something that he was glad about. He whistles in amazement, "Woah… Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"Now, this would count as Intel, right?"

Naruto looks over to see Sasuke holding in an open wooden box filled with a lot of white powder, "Holy shit, that's a lot of cocaine."

"Have you ever seen this much cocaine?" The brunette adds, moving the wooden box around, "This has gotta be worth, what, $10,000 or $15,000-?"

Suddenly, the box slips out of Sasuke's hands and it hits the floor, sending a cascade of cocaine all over the rug and a cloud as it poofs down the floor. Naruto is visibly shocked, looking at Sasuke in clear disappointment, murmuring, "You stupid fuck."

"Oh, I blew it. I blew that, didn't I?" Sasuke admits his mistake, looking down at the floor, disappointed with himself as well.

…

Meanwhile, Gaara steadily moved around the bedroom, praying he wouldn't make a sound that would make his mother up. He heads for the bathroom door, which was unfortunately closed. Gaara twists the knob counterclockwise, then slowly pushes it forward. A long eerie creek occurred like a horror movie and he froze again. He takes a quick glance back at his mother, moaning in her sleep but nothing more. He sighs, mouthing 'thank God' before entering the bathroom.

He checked if anything was, at least, considered intel. This went on for about five minutes and in the end, he found nothing worth mentioning. Then he turned his attention to the bedroom again. This was a risky task, but he was desperate. It was having a 'heat of the moment' feeling about this. _Maybe I could steal her phone?_

…

"Okay, you dumbfuck," Naruto warns Sasuke, "How are we gonna fix this?"

Sasuke kneels down, observing how the two of them could resolve this issue, "Right, uh… You grab the box. I'll scoop it in."

"I really don't wanna touch it," Naruto states, "Drugs are fucking disgusting and I don't even have gloves."

"Alright then, fine, you go and get something and…" Sasuke stuttered before saying something, "Ugh. I'll scoop it in."

"Okay," Naruto left as he tasted some of the cocaine powder in his mouth, making a cringing face, "Fuck… it's so bitter."

…

 _ **(With Gaara)**_

Gaara crouched down and crawled towards the side of the bed, glad that it was carpeted. He reached the left bedside drawer, taking notice of Karura's cell phone almost instantly; it was a white iPhone 7S but had a crack on the screen and the damage looked like new. He was glad it's the same brand of his phone which meant he could charge it in his room. Taking the phone, he opened the screen and there was no passcode or Touch ID for his benefit. But it wasn't on silent mode. Worst part of it was that it was in full volume for some reason. A message came in, giving a loud 'ding!' sound. Gaara's eyes widened, _Oh shit_.

"Gaara?" Karura yawned was awake, "What are you doing with my phone?"

"Uh," he stammered with his word and lied, "Your phone was on the floor."

She stretched, seemingly accepting it, "What time is it, then?"

Gaara looks at the phone, not bothering to read his watch,"It is… 8:50 PM. Why?"

"Nothing," Karura yawned again, "Just wondering."

Feeling that the mission was compromised, he puts the phone back on the bedroom drawer and stands up, "Well, I'll leave you to whatever you do."

Just as he walks out, Karura speaks, "Gaara?"

"Hmm?" He quickly turns around.

"…I want to speak with you," she sounded so calm, unlike the other days. Gaara gulped and walked to her.

"Yes?"

"…What…", she sighs, sitting up straight on the bed, "What am I to you?"

"…I…I, uh…um…," Gaara couldn't answer properly. To be fair to him, it was a hard question to answer first and foremost. What was he meant to say to her? And because of that, he lied to her face, "I think you're an amazing person and a good mother."

Karura sighed again and shook her head. That wasn't the answer she was looking for. She looked as if she was about to cry. Even her voice had cracked, "Gaara, why are you lying to me?"

She then began to actually cry, and Gaara mentally started bashing his head against a sturdy brick wall, feeling like an idiot… and an ass. To make things right, he believed, he took off his shoes and went into the bed, embracing her, "I'm sorry."

"You know how ashamed I feel about myself!?" Karura asked between sobs, "About the way, I treat you and your siblings when I'm under the influence? I'm not even in control of what I do or what I say!"

Gaara couldn't help but feel that his mother was talking sense like she was normal at this point. He didn't really understand it, but he went with it, knowing this version was his REAL mom. He frowned at her sobbing and said, "Mom, I really want to help you… if you'll allow me."

Karura sniffed, "What do you plan to do?"

"If it's possible, I… I can put you in a rehabilitation centre?" He suggests.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," she said scratching her leg due to having pruritus. It was the cause of the drug addiction, "Should I go?"

Gaara pulled away from the hug and cupped her face and smiled at her, his green eyes staring straight into her indigo eyes. She looked… beautiful to an extent. And all the negative thoughts about her had disappeared. He remembered the discussion he had with Naruto and Sasuke at the bar.

" _I was just speaking hypothetically, you know?"_ This sentence stuck to him. He was, indeed, speaking hypothetically. He never really wanted to kill her, and he was pretty sure Naruto and Sasuke wouldn't be able to do it either. Well… maybe Sasuke but not Naruto. It took Gaara a while to reply to her as he stared deeply into her eyes, "If you say yes to this, I can make arrangements within this week and we'll drive you to where the rehab center is located when they're ready. And you will come back a changed person."

"Do you promise me?" She sounded like a child even with her hoarse voice. Definitely caused by cocaine.

"I promise," he reassured. They embrace again.

Karura smiled and had a thought, "I know why your father found you special."

"Really?," he smiled at her, "And what was that?"

"Because he told me before, that you are the brightest out of the three… and you were more handsome than him and Kankuro."

They both laugh and then Gaara's elated face disappeared as he thought about his father, "I miss him."

"I miss him, too," then Karura stopped smiling as well, sniffing as she attempted to hold back new tears streaming down her face, "I didn't attend his funeral, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't," he said bitterly.

She winced as she broke away from the embrace and wiped away some tears, but they just kept coming, "Why have I done this to myself? I'm disgusting."

"Hey," he comforted, holding her tightly, "It wasn't you that day."

"But still…"

"No!" Gaara raised his voice, "I flipped out at you that day, too."

"That I remember," she rubbed her eyes, "But I love the fact that you're so courageous and willing to stand up for yourself and others. That's why I fell in love with your father in the first place."

 _Oh, really?_ He started to sweat, _Please don't tell me you see him in me…_

"You don't necessarily have all of his facial features," she observes his face, "But I see him in you."

 _You have got to be kidding me… I can't be dealing with this now! I still have to get back to the guys._ Gaara was very keen on leaving, but he couldn't leave her all alone. He started to panic once Karura was at eye level with him, "What are you doing?"

"You are just…"," she caressed his face gently, looking at him dreamily, "So handsome."

 _Oh, no._

…

 _ **(With Naruto and Sasuke)**_

Sasuke was still on his knees, scooping up the coke back into the small box, as Naruto returns from the kitchen holding a Dustbuster, "How 'bout we use this?"

"Yeah, that better work," Sasuke says positively turns it on and starts vacuuming up the cocaine from the rug, "There you go. Go slow!"

As Naruto vacuumed, Sasuke scoop whatever didn't go into the vacuum. The blonde says irritatedly, "Get on the couch! Stop helping me!"

"All right," the brunette instantly gave up and sat on the couch. He brushed some cocaine off his jacket and coughed; some had gotten into his mouth as well… and up his nose.

…

 _ **(With Gaara)**_

Karura and Gaara heard the vacuum, and the former raised an eyebrow, "What's that?"

"Um…," Gaara was equally clueless as to what it was. _What the hell are you guys up to?_

"We should probably check it out," she suggested as she got out of bed. Gaara panicked again, knowing he had to come up with something fast… and something good.

"MAID!" He awkwardly exclaimed, making his mother jump, "I forgot to mention… I hired a maid to help clean up the place; she'll be done soon."

It had seemed pretty far-fetched, but Karura shrugged and went with it, sitting back down on the bed. Gaara breathed for a moment but took a quick glance at her. All he heard was Kiba's words; " _Her skin was glistening."_

 _What are you thinking?_ He asked himself.

…

 _ **(With Naruto and Sasuke)**_

Once Naruto was finished, he popped open the vacuum waste receptacle and dumped the contents back in the wooden box. Which is now filled not only with cocaine, but bits of hair, dust bunnies, food and other crap. The pair stare at the wooden box. Naruto was pissed with himself.

Sasuke whispers, "You probably should have emptied the DustBuster first."

"Is that what you think?" Naruto whispered back, glaring at Sasuke.

Sasuke nods, "I was thinking that. On account of the dust."

The blonde breathed and said, "Okay, let's just… take the things out."

They both do their best to pick the random objects out of the cocaine. After two minutes, it was a slow process of digging and taking things out of the box. Sasuke then picked up something and tinkered with the small object, "Hey look at this, it's a piece of cereal. Can't tell if that's a corn flake or a frosted flake though…"

"Alright, this is ridiculous," Naruto complained "You know what? I'll go and get a sifter, or maybe a-"

"Colander?" Sasuke suggests.

"Yeah, a colander would be good," Naruto gets back up and dashes towards the kitchen.

"Okay. And I'll start picking," the brunette then does so, not before accidentally sniffing some of the cocaine and feeling doozy. He was slightly coked-up.

…

 _ **(With Gaara)**_

Karura was oddly close to Gaara's parameters, and he wasn't enjoying it. Then he joked, "Am I… still here with mom? Or are you someone else?"

She chuckled and wrapped her arms around his neck, "It's still your mother."

"Okay," he said with an unusual high pitched voice. This definitely wasn't his mom, "You do realize that you're very close up?"

"Yes, I'm aware," she scooched closer to him, almost putting herself on top of him, "VERY aware."

 _Okay, what's going on?_ Gaara wasn't listening to his conscience, as he knew well and clear what was happening. He laughed awkwardly and spoke, "Um… you know? This doesn't seem like a good idea."

She tilted her head like a dog as she was now on top of him, "Why?"

"Because mothers and their sons shouldn't be doing this sorta thing. Y'know?" Gaara explained unconvincingly as Karura was giving him a seductive smirk, "It's wrong… and… you're being a bad mom at the moment."

Karura giggled at the word 'bad', "You're absolutely right."

"Yes I am… what?"

"I am being a BAD mom," she bit her bottom lip, as she whispered seductively into his ear, "I'm a BAD MOMMY."

She started licking his ear and neck like it was nothing. Gaara's heart was thumping very hard like drums. The drugs were causing his mom mood swings; one moment she in a rage, another sad, and now, sometimes downright horny for anyone, even him based on the current situation. For obvious reasons, Gaara was really uncomfortable and he wanted out, "You know something? Why don't we just… HMPH!?"

He couldn't finish his sentence since his mother's lips had crashed onto his. She was on top of him, swirling her tongue around his. His eyes were wide, but after a few seconds… they started to close as he placed his hands on Karura's hips.

 _I want to stop, but I don't want to,_ Gaara thought, _Fuck you, Kiba._

Their French kissing had gone on for more than 15 minutes, plus 6 if you counted breaks. During this time, Karura would be moaning whilst running her hands all around Gaara's hair, and would occasionally scratch his back. Gaara was pretty sure she had left marks on his back.

Once Gaara broke their last kiss, they made eye contact before he spoke through his heavy panting, "Woah."

"I know," Karura was panting as well, "You're a good kisser."

… _Why was this happening?_

Gaara didn't respond to the 'compliment' as he got off her and spoke, "So are you still up for rehabilitation?"

"I am."

She was something else. He nodded at her and spoke in a stutter, "Okay. Well, I think you should get some rest… because I have to go."

"Go where?"

"I'm going out with the guys," he semi-lied, then he started wondering what the two were up to downstairs, "I'll be back home probably early morning?"

She crawled up the bed and covered herself in the blanket before blowing a kiss, "Don't party too much."

"Yeah," he laughed awkwardly and comforted her before heading out, "Good night."

"Good night," she almost immediately fell asleep.

Gaara kissed her forehead, and walked out… then he went back to the room to get her phone. He looked through it, contacts and messages. There was nothing. _Worth a shot._ But he didn't stop there and instead, he slowly opened the drawer of the bedside cabinet and saw another phone; an iPhone X. _Just my fucking luck… how many phones do you have?_

He picked it up and opened it. No passcode either. _Mom, you have no sense of privacy when it comes to this stuff… jeez._ He checked the contacts and was glad to see actual names. Finally, he gently put the phone in his back pocket, closed off all the lights in the room and left his mother to rest.

…

 _ **(Third Person View)**_

"I feel like everything will work out," Sasuke said quickly, "I'm like a machine. Look how fast I am. I'm moving super fast. I can't even feel my nose."

He was all coked up. Surprisingly, even Naruto was feeling the same way, "Wanna know what's weird?"

"What?" They both spoke quick as rabbits and sounded like they were so stressed out. Well… they are at the moment.

"The thing is… I should be panicking… and I am a little, but it's in a very good way-"

"Yeah?"

"-It's a good kind of panic because I feel like I wanna die-"

"Uh huh?"

"…but I also feel very, very, very good."

"Oh yeah, totally."

"HEY!" They suddenly jump as they heard a familiar voice. It was Gaara standing by the doorway with his hands on his hips, "It's been 15 minutes, what are you two doing?"

"Nothing," Naruto replied as he stood up and ran "But before we go, I wanna take one quick dump."

Sasuke then spoke before going down on the ground, "Yeah, go ahead. Take a dump and I'm gonna do push-ups. Because I gotta get fit."

He did about ten straight, and Gaara was absolutely clueless. That was until he saw the box of cocaine all messed up with some of the powder on the carpet, he ran his hands across his maroon hair, "What the hell have you guys done?"

The brunette was now in a crouch position, staring at the "I'm feeling good, dude. Wanna help me clean? I mean, we bond over this. This is friendship stuff. We broke into someone's house. It's the most amazing experience of my life-"

Gaara rubbed his eyes, groaning, "Fuck's sake."

"-I'm like an expert at sifting cocaine. It's amazing. Come here and help me with this."

…

The trio was back in the car driving away from the house. Gaara was the only one who could drive, Naruto was looking out the window disappointed and Sasuke rocked his head back and forth as he held it with his hands, trying to recover from the cocaine.

"I can't believe we weren't prepared," Naruto complained, "That was completely dangerous and a total waste of time.

"Well, no. Actually, not a total waste of time," Gaara moved his but up from the seat to take out the phone from the back pocket, "Look what I got. Not bad, huh?"

"Is this her phone?" Naruto asked as Gaara gave it to him, "You stole this?"

"That's her phone," the maroon head nodded, "And I sure did. It's got her contacts, schedule. Everything."

"Very nice," Naruto grinned.

"And by the way… I'm actually thinking of backing out on this," Gaara scratched the back of his head, "I don't think we should do this."

Sasuke looked at him, "What are you talking about?"

"I mean… there's no need to kill our moms."

The brunette, still in the current influence of cocaine, challenged him, "So… how did you steal it?"

"Nothing." He said bluntly, "I saw and I took it."

"You're lying," Naruto pointed out, "How'd you steal it?"

Gaara breathed and cleared his throat, "Okay… here goes."

He explained that his mother was sleeping in the master bedroom and that he had crept into the bathroom and found nothing there. So he turned his attention to the bedside cabinet where he found his mother's phone. Then she suddenly woke up, had an 'emotional' chat before making out for about 21 minutes; 15 minutes of intense French kissing and 6 minutes for breaks. Afterwards, he tells how he stole Karura's phone. And so on. Naruto and Sasuke's reactions were the same… and definitely priceless.

"THAT'S HOW YOU STOLE THE PHONE!? NO WONDER YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE! BECAUSE YOU ENJOYED IT!" Sasuke exclaimed while Naruto looked at him in complete shock, "What the hell is wrong with you!? You took Kiba's second advise!?"

"Listen, she came at me first!" Gaara defended himself.

"AND YOU STILL WENT WITH IT!?"

"I couldn't help myself, alright?"

Naruto shook his head as he listened to them, but he couldn't bother right now. He opened Karura's phone and looked at her messages and contact list. Meanwhile, Gaara and Sasuke kept arguing.

"I'm sorry, but no!"

"No? What do you mean 'no'?"

"Incest is illegal now. It's technically a crime. AND you stole as well! No one said we'd be stealing anything."

"This is a good grab," Naruto kept his eyes on the phone as he informed the pair, but none of them listened to him. Thus he continued to scroll down the contact list.

"Excuse me!? You did cocaine!"

"THREE CRIMES!"

Naruto, annoyed with Sasuke's shouting, said, "Gaara, relax. He's all jazzed out, just ignore him."

Again, none of them listened to him as they bickered some more, "You know, we're still in the process of contemplating whether we should do this or not, and you're giving me shit for stealing A FUCKING PHONE!?"

"And making out with your mother!" Sasuke added, "Run it by me if you'll be doing that kind of shit."

"Run it by you?"

"Run it by me!"

Gaara was fuming, "Naruto, take the wheel for a second?

"Mhm," the blonde held the wheel with his left hand as he multi-tasked with the phone in his right hand, still scrolling through for anything he could find; though he would take quick glimpses at the road ahead of him.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked as Gaara unfastened his seatbelt and started berating Sasuke with slaps and light punches from his seat for approximately 5 seconds, "HEY! CUT IT OUT!"

"Run it by you, huh!? RUN IT BY YOU!? I AM NOT RUNNING ANYTHING BY YOU!" Gaara finished hitting him and sat back down properly, putting his seatbelt back on and taking back the wheel from Naruto, "I'm not gonna run anything by you! Dickhead!"

"Wow, there's a lot of stuff in here," Naruto commented on the phone.

"I know. Wanna go check out your mom's now?" Gaara suggested.

Naruto contemplated the idea, but he nodded, "Yeah, we can try."

"Good enough for me," Gaara included. Suddenly, Sasuke slapped him on the side of the face. The maroon head fumed again and presented the steering wheel to Naruto, "Do you mind, again?"

"Yup," the blonde took the wheel and Gaara got out his seat to reach for Sasuke.

"No! NO!" The drug influenced Uchiha resented just as Gaara started hitting him again.

"YOU DON'T PUNCH THE FUCKING DRIVER!" He shouted.

Naruto continued to steer but they were going way too fast down on the highway, "Gaara, come back. I need you for the breaks."

"Oh, shit, yeah the breaks. Sorry, I forgot," Gaara climbed back to the front seat and scolded the brunette one more time, "Sasuke! You don't punch the fucking driver!"

"Yeah, you don't punch the fucking driver," Naruto butted in.

Sasuke groaned, shaking his head sporadically, "Bitch, I'm fucking coked out of my fucking brain. I'll fucking punch whoever I fucking want to."

…

Because of Sasuke's current behaviour, Naruto decided to drop him off in their apartment to 'relax'. So it was just him and Gaara for this one. But the latter was clueless around this part of town, "So how do I get there?"

"Take a right up here," he pointed at an intersection, "My mom's place is about a mile away."

"Alright," and Gaara followed his instructions. It was a quiet ride so the both of them had attempted to break the ice, "It's weird not having Sasuke around."

"Tell me about it." Naruto chuckled.

"Will he be okay by himself in the apartment?"

"He'll be fine," he reassured, "Don't worry."

…

 _ **(In Naruto and Sasuke's Apartment)**_

The brunette was naked, singing and dancing to " _That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings_ in the bathtub that was filled up with water and bubbles.

" _They call me hell,_

 _They call me Stacey,_

 _That's not my name,_

 _That's not my name,_

 _That's not my name,_

 _That's not my name!"_

He submerges himself in the water and back up after every lyric.

" _They call me hell,_

 _They call me her,_

 _They call me hell,_

 _They call me Stacey,_

 _That's not my name,_

 _That's not my name…"_

…

 _ **(With Naruto and Gaara)**_

"Probably for the best." They concluded together. The drive was long, and the skies barely had stars all around.

Naruto then had the sudden thought of what Gaara had said an hour before, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Do you think we should actually do this?"

Gaara remained silent for ten seconds, "Well… we were speaking hypothetically, remember?"

"Yeah, we were," Naruto sighed, "Should we just call this off?"

"Let's just see what happens with your mom's place."

"Okay," Naruto nodded as Gaara continued driving down the road, then he laughs quietly, "So… you made out with your mom, huh?"

Gaara couldn't help but chuckle, "Oh, yeah."

"How was it?"

"I was surprised that she would come onto me like that," he explained, "But it was interesting."

"Heh," Naruto chuckled, looking beyond the road. _But it was interesting?_

They pull up to see another grand 2-storey house with an eye-popping front yard. Naruto confirms that it was his mother's house. Gaara parks the car on the street corner to avoid suspicion of parking literally right in front. Naruto rubbed his hands together, "Okay… ready?"

"We should've gotten gloves."

"Doesn't matter now," Naruto comments, "Besides, we'll call it off after tonight if things go awry."

"Right."

Naruto and Gaara get out of the car and take a turn, walking straight for the house. They sneak up to the front porch which was camouflaged by shrubs and they peek inside.

"Looks like the coast is clear," Naruto informs as Gaara nods and tries to gently pry open the window. It wouldn't budge.

"Damn," he looks around and spots a small rock beside the porch. He picks it up and winds back to throw it at the window, "Guess we'll have to break in; the old-fashioned way."

"Gaara, wait! No, don't do that," But it's too late. Gaara had unleashed the rock from his hand, "Hey! God!"

It hits the window, but instead of breaking the glass, the rock itself breaks into two pieces. He looks at it in awe as he chuckles, "Holy shit! I broke a rock!"

"No you didn't," Naruto picks it up and he shows Gaara a key concealed in one half of the fake rock, "Please tell me you realize that it's one of those hide-a-key thingies?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah," Gaara played it cool, disappointed at the fact he didn't actually break a rock, "So you weren't gonna throw a rock through the door?"

"No, of course not," he replies, inserting the key into the front door lock, "No, I wanted to open it."

The guys tiptoe in, whispering and tense. The place is tastefully decorated with attractive furniture and modern art. There is a vase of flowers on a table. Naruto did a 360-degree move and whistled quietly, "Wow. It's been a while since I was here. This is not how I pictured her place as far as I can remember?"

"When was the last time you were here?"

"Before I left for college," he explained, "I specifically asked my mom to find me an apartment that she could rent out until I came back."

Gaara nodded, "Well, for all we know, she's probably got a bondage room somewhere in this house."

Suddenly, a cat springs from out of nowhere, then runs off, leaving the boys startled.

"God!" Naruto cursed, "Jesus fucking Christ!"

Gaara calmed him down, "It's okay, it was just a cat."

"But out of fucking nowhere!"

"Just a cat. We're all right," then he suggests something, "Let's look upstairs. Come

on."

…

The pair head up the stairwell. Just as they come up, the same cat suddenly jumps out from behind the door, startling them again.

"Okay," Naruto raises his hands in frustration, "How many fucking cats does she have?"

"I think that was the same one," Gaara then notices a framed wedding photo on the dresser of Kushina and her ex-boyfriend at the beach. Kushina was wearing a black bikini and her smooth legs were arched on the photo, "Damn, that's what your mom looks like now?"

Naruto comes over to look at the photo and replies bluntly, "Yeah, that's her."

"Oh, man, your mom. She's hotter than before, as far as I can remember."

"She sure is. Let's go," Naruto rolled his eyes, wanting to focus.

"Hey, you know what?"

"What?"

"I think you should take Kiba's second piece of advice."

"Hmph. Tell that to Sasuke, not me."

"Yes, I know. But I'm pretty sure somewhere deep within that mind of yours, you'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 States, yeah?"

Naruto stares at him, "I don't know what that means."

"Ah, it's a saying."

"No, it's not," the blonde shakes his head.

"Yeah, it is."

"I don't think so."

"No, it is. Yeah, people say that."

"Well, I haven't heard it."

"I've definitely heard people say that."

Naruto sighs, "I'm not gonna argue. Let's continue the recon."

"Okay, fine," Gaara surrenders and moves on, until, "Well, it's definitely a phrase."

"It sure isn't."

"Yeah, it is. It's from a book. The Great Gatsby, maybe?" The maroon head thought, "Ah, whatever. My point is that I'm 100% certain you'd like to spray her up in your cock yoghurt."

"Listen, I'd rather cover up myself in…" Naruto stops and looks at Gaara, "Did you just say 'cock yoghurt'?"

Gaara nods.

"I'm not gonna bother asking."

…

It had been almost an hour of searching for at least something good. Top floor, bottom floor. There was nothing. Almost every door they had encountered in the house was shut. They even tried using the same key they used to open the front door, but it was wrong. Naruto then gave out a defeated sigh, "Literally nothing here."

"I know," Gaara yawned, "Your mom's fucking hot, but that's it."

Naruto couldn't bother arguing, "I figure we should just call this off, huh?"

"I already did," Gaara reminds, "We just need Sasuke to agree."

"Yeah," the Uzumaki then looked at a door he hadn't opened yet. He faintly points at it, "Wanna check that one out?"

Gaara turns his head to look at the door, "Sure, why not?"

Naruto is first to head for the door, Gaara coming in close behind. They both stare at the knob before looking at each other. Naruto slowly reaches for the door knob, twists it, and pushes forward.

The door was open. But it was dark so Naruto looked for a light switch and turned them on… And what they saw… was what Gaara had thought earlier.

Gaara's mouth gaped open, "Holy. Fucking. Shit."

It was a bondage room. Darkly lit with wine red walls that had whips, anal hooks, cuffs, posture collars and everything hanged up. On the top right corner of the room were a bunch of sex machines organized in a straight line and on the other corner was a table of numerous sex toys and different coloured gag balls. And within the centre, was the obvious bondage bed. It looked comfortable, Naruto thought since the bed was king-sized. Basically, everything related to BDSM was present including rope, cock rings, funnel gags.

"Naruto," Gaara whispered, "Your mom IS a fucking sadist."

He didn't respond as he closed off the lights, shut the door of the bondage room and dashed for the main door with Gaara. The blonde was nice enough to put the key of the main door back into its fake rock, putting it back to where it came from. They sprinted for the car and got in, breathing heavily like it was a horror movie and they were just being chased by the most terrifying thing to ever exist.

"Okay," Naruto rubbed his temples, gathering his thoughts, "We are not speaking about this to anyone."

"Nope," Gaara immediately agreed, "What happened at your mom's house, stays at your mom's house."

"Great," Naruto slouched in the front passenger seat, "Let's grab something to eat then take me back to my apartment?"

"Yeah, sure." The pair drove off.

…

 _ **In case some you guys were wondering how Sasuke was singing the song, here's the link to a film clip. It's obviously different for story reasons, but you get the picture:**_

watch?v=TCXFKo1UDjQ

 _ **Sorry if the chapter ended so abruptly. I'm trying my hardest to make it build up until the boys all fall for their moms. But yes, Gaara is technically the first out of the trio to fall. I wasn't sure how it was going to play out until it flowed into my head. So who's next?**_

 _ **Please review and let me know what you all think and I'll see you all soon! :)**_


	6. Uzumaki Standoff

_**Wow! 190 favs and 231 followers!? I really love your support.**_

 _ **Hello everyone, sorry for not uploading as soon as I wanted to. Thanks to all who have commented positively and NEGATIVELY towards the story. I just took a few days off which became a month since I needed to take some things out of my chest.**_

 _ **A few months ago, I read a review that really upset me and I put myself on hiatus until I could start writing again. I even started thinking that I should no longer continue this story, but now I'm fully focused and I will continue. It's not a depression thing, trust me. Schoolwork has been bugging me as well.**_

 _ **Sometimes I just get very salty with these kinds of people to the point when I say I will stop ranting, I do nothing but continue. That's how much I hate them. I sincerely apologise to my followers and newcomers to the story that I got on the wrong foot here.**_

 _ **So anyhow, this is not the best one chapter I made, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!**_

…

 _ **Chapter 6: Uzumaki Standoff**_

…

Gaara and Naruto drove down the highway at steady speed. Not fast, not slow. The looks of the both of them; shocked and weary, close to closing their eyes. The bondage room in Kushina's home scarred them, neither one of them attempted to bring up a discussion.

"You know what?" Gaara finally spoke, clearing his throat, "That situation could have been far worse."

"Oh yeah, definitely," Naruto complied, "Could you imagine if we brought Sasuke along? He'd be yelling out and shit. We'd probably all go to jail because of him."

Gaara went over the thought and shivered in the driving seat, "Yeah, totally. I can't go to jail. I mean, look at my eyes. Look at my ass. They'll be all over me."

"Yeah, me too."

After Naruto's remark, Gaara squinted, not feeling convinced by the statement, "Well…"

"What do you mean 'well'? I'd get raped just as much as you would."

"Do you really think you're more rape-able?" Gaara laughed.

"I'm not saying that," Naruto defended himself, "Let's just ask Sasuke when we get back."

"Alright," Gaara said as he yawned, "Hey, is it alright if I crash in your place for the night?"

Naruto looked at him puzzled, "But didn't you promise my mom that you would come back… alone? To do some more action?"

"No, I didn't," Gaara snorted.

"Yeah you did."

"No… I didn't," he shrugged it off making awkward chuckles until he finally gave up, "Okay, I did promise her but I DID NOT say that last bit."

"There you go," Naruto smiled brightly before murmuring, "You know? Something else has been bothering me."

"Really? What's that?"

"Okay, you remember when I told you my mom insulted me in front of the whole office?" Naruto asked and Gaara nodded, granting him to continue, "Now she's being overly nice to me. She even offered to do MY work."

"Wow," Gaara gathers the information and starts to think, "Is she also sniffing or something?"

Naruto shook his head, "No, I doubt it. Maybe she probably just regrets saying the things she said?"

"Hmm, I don't know, man. We'll see."

"Yeah… we'll see," Naruto sighed, looking out the car window, "Did I mention she bit and licked my ear as well?"

"You did," Gaara said chuckling, "What was that about?"

"Haven't the slightest clue," then after a few minutes of silence, Naruto murmured, "Still can't believe you made out with your mom…"

"SHE CAME ONTO ME!"

…

When they finally arrived at Naruto's apartment building, Gaara drove the car down to the underground parking and finds a slot near the elevators. They somberly got out of his car and walked towards the elevators and Naruto presses the '15' button.

As the elevator went up, the pair had time to speak some more.

"So what's gonna happen now?" Gaara said, "You said you were sick?"

"Yeah, I did." Naruto sighed, placing his head on the back wall of the elevator, "I'll just stay for the week then come back next Monday."

Gaara nods and chuckles, "Look on the bright side, your mom gets to do your 'homework'."

"Yeah," Naruto quietly laughs as well and yawns, "So it's official? Call this off?"

"Pretty much," the maroon head breathes, "And I wasted $300,000 as well."

Naruto puts his hand on Gaara's shoulder, "You'll be fine."

"God, I fucking hope so."

They heard the elevator ding and the doors open. Naruto exits first, followed closely by Gaara. He makes a left, then a right, and vice versa until they reach Naruto's apartment door. The blonde opened it using an electronic lock that had required a passcode.

"Hey guys!" Sasuke greeted. He was lying on the couch eating popcorn, watching TV. He looked sober so the guys were relieved, "So how did it go?"

Naruto and Gaara look at each other before the latter spoke, "We found a bondage room in his mom's house."

Sasuke stared at the TV but he immediately turned it off and jumped out of the sofa, "Say that again."

"I don't want to say it again," Gaara shook his head, "Image is still burned in our minds."

"Alright, fine," Sasuke went it with, "By the way, I've been doing some thinking."

"That you shouldn't pick up a box of cocaine?" Naruto replied sarcastically, taking a seat on the couch to make himself comfortable, "Because that would be great."

Sasuke sighed, "No, seriously… I don't think we should do this anymore."

Naruto and Gaara looked at each other, stunned to hear that Sasuke was on the same page, "Killing our moms?"

"Yeah," the Uchiha said.

The blonde sighed, "Good because we were thinking the same thing coming back here."

"Okay," the trio remained quiet, "So that's it, huh? We're just gonna continue with our lives and stay miserable forever?"

"Pretty much," Naruto said, "I mean… they're our moms. They brought us into this world, and here we were trying to take them away from it. Just doesn't sound right."

"And besides," Gaara added, "We can make it work."

Sasuke chuckled, "Well, you can. You and your mom were smooching up a storm a few hours ago."

"Oh my God," Gaara muttered, "She came onto me. How is that so hard to understand?"

"Argue all you want, but if you wanted to win, you should have stopped her anyway," Naruto pointed out. Sasuke nodded and headed toward the kitchen; he was thirsty.

Then Gaara, wanting to change the subject, remembered a conversation he had with Naruto in the car, and asked, "Sasuke, can I ask you a question?" Naruto immediately knew what he was going to say.

"What?" He popped his head out of the kitchen.

"If Naruto and I were in prison, who do you think would get raped more?"

Sasuke clicked his tongue five times and says bluntly, "Naruto."

"Boom!" Naruto laughed at Gaara then he stopped, looking at Sasuke with a puzzled face, "Why?"

"It's about weakness and vulnerability," he explained, "It's not really based on a looks thing, y'know what I mean?"

…

After a few angry slaps and punches from Naruto with Gaara watching by the sidelines, laughing, the trio decided to call it a night. Gaara went back home; only God would know what he was going to be doing back there. Sasuke went back to watching TV, and Naruto stayed in his room.

He pictured his mom, mainly about the events at work concerning her behaviour.

" _This is the worst report I have ever read in my goddamn life, you idiot. You're such a fucking dumbass. Do you have a parking space? Because I'm gonna take it away from you… …How you got this fucking job in the first place, I don't even understand."_

" _Oh my God, Naruto! Are you okay?"_

" _No, no, no. Naruto, go home and rest. You're sick."_

"… _I'll do your work for you. Now you go home and get some rest."_

It was definitely erratic, he thought, but it was hard to explain. He was skeptical, but he didn't want to overthink it, so he went to bed instead.

Next week, he was going to get some answers.

…

 _ **(Naruto's P.O.V)**_

It's been a week since we called it off, and here I am, still in my cubicle, wishing I had my own office.

"So how was your weekend?" Shikamaru taps my shoulder, jokingly, "Feeling _better_?"

"Never been better," I chuckle and joke, "Anything from last week that I should know about?"

Shikamaru immediately frowned, and gestured for me to lean in, "Your mom's been kinda… off."

"Off?"

"She barely shows up to work," he explained, "And when she does, all she's doing is complain and firing people because of a few mistakes."

 _Jesus…_ "Where is she now?" I asked since I didn't see her in her office that morning. Well… her 'office'.

"Late as usual," Shikamaru said bluntly before turning back to his desk, "She probably might not even show up."

"Hmm," I mutter, "By the way, where's the guy she was ranting at last week?"

Shikamaru sighed. Ino and Choji happened to be near and the former explained, "Your mom had him fired."

I squinted, "What was the reason?"

"Something about screwing up a report and being a reckless employee," Choji said, "The first statements true, but the second isn't.

That's it! I had enough of this _woman_ ruining people's careers. And so I ranted, "What is wrong with her!? Does she have any sense at all!? Does she even have any idea about the impact she has on people who she fires!? Firstly, gives a new girl a promotion while most of us who have been here for more than three years that are more deserved of one! And second, she willingly fires people by creating lies!"

It was at that moment I hadn't noticed that Ino and Choji left in a hurry, they looked scared.

"Uh, Naruto?" Shikamaru's eyes widened as he tried to stop me from continuing. Did I wonder why? No.

"And here I am, thinking to myself, "There's no possible way she can top that." But what does she do? She finds a fucking way, Goddamnit, to top it! She is a professional idiot!"

A woman cleared her throat. And I closed my mouth immediately _._

"Mr Uzumaki," it was my mom, her voice full of authority, "My office. NOW."

…

We were in her office. She sat on her desk, her legs crossed in her business skirt. Not sure if this was a type of power play or something. Whatever it was, it wasn't going to work on me anyway.

She finally spoke, sounding broken, "I just don't understand why you would say those things about me."

I rolled my eyes, "Oh, Jesus. It's so obvious."

"Yeah? Well, it's not to me, okay?" she retorts, "Naruto, please just help me understand why."

"Fine. Here it is. You are a boss that I have no respect for. The things you say to me and to others, your actions, methods and style. Everything you would do, I would do it completely differently."

"Well, Naruto, maybe you are feeling that you don't respect me because you don't know me very well anymore?" She suggested to me. Not even close.

"Mom, I've known you all my life. And the more I've realized what kind of a boss you were, the less I've come to respect you in that area. Any other theories?"

She sighed, "Alright, you don't respect me. I accept that. But listen to me. You can't talk to me that way in this office, you just can't. And not because I'm your mother. But as your boss. So I can't allow it."

"Fair enough."

We shook hands and as I was about to leave her office, she speaks again, "Also, I'd like for you to stay later tonight."

"What for? I ask.

"I need to have a private talk with you."

"Can't we talk now since I'm here?"

She gave me a sly smile, "It would be best if everyone besides us two weren't present."

I looked at her puzzled, and I was reluctant. Then I thought, maybe I was finally gonna have my answer? So I agreed, "Alright."

…

 _ **Later that day…**_

Now with work over, Naruto shut off his computer and packed up his briefcase and brought it to his car before heading back up to the main office.

"Alright," Kushina closed her accounts and presented Naruto to the chair, "Now that you're here, please take a seat."

He sits down and there is a moment of silence. Almost as if they were both deaf. Naruto fiddled with his fingers, waiting for his mother to speak.

"In the last year, I've gone through a horrendous breakup, and now, I have a son who barely even calls me 'mom'," she starts out, "Are you following me, Naruto?"

"Yeah."

"I think I owe it to myself to find some kind of happiness and closure, y'know?" She says, "And I'm glad that I now understand the way you feel about me in the office. Now it's my turn to explain my view. You ready?"

He only nods.

"Alright, here it goes," she breathes, "I have been meeting up with a psychiatrist who thinks that I have this tendency - a 'desire' if you will - to feel a certain way towards people, including you."

Naruto was lost, "Okay, yeah, but what are you…?"

"Look, Naruto. This is what I'm trying to say," she breathed, "I am attracted… to you."

Her son's eyes flickered like crazy. _What. The. Fuck? Attracted to me?_

"I don't… I don't know why, but I am, and I need to follow my instincts. At least, that's what my psychiatrist thinks."

Naruto felt very uncomfortable with this, "Are you sure you're meeting up with the right psychiatrist…?"

"This is the point, okay? You're wrong for me. Like in every way."

 _NO SHIT!_

"But I still… well, I find myself wanting to be with you."

"Are you certain you're not on drugs or anything?"

"Naruto, please! You're the only thing I have as a family," she began to tear up. Naruto could hear her sniff, "That's why I don't want to see you working someplace else. I know I sound selfish, but it's natural, right?"

"Uh… sure?" Naruto didn't know how to answer, "But mom…"

"You know what? Forget that I said anything," Kushina wiped her tears away, composing herself, "Let's just pretend that this never happened, okay?"

Naruto was about to say something else, but he stopped his words, "Okay."

"Okay," his mom sighed and stood up and walking to the door, "Thank you for giving me time to explain myself."

He stood up and followed, "Yeah… no problem. Don't worry about it."

She opened the door for him so he could exit, "Thanks for stopping by."

"Yeah, I'll see you tom… emph!"

From out of nowhere, Kushina grabbed Naruto, her one and only son, and pushed him against the door. She grabbed his hair as she kissed him passionately. She moaned and Naruto made a grunting noise as her tongue demanded entrance to his mouth. And to Naruto's surprise, his mouth gave in as if it had a mind of its own. Their tongues battled for supremacy and Kushina ran her hands all over Naruto; cupping and caressing his face. This went on for 20 seconds until Kushina broke off the kiss; a string of saliva stretched as the distance of their lips increased. Kushina looked at him dreamy eyes while Naruto gazed back in shock.

"Wow… You're a good kisser," Kushina flirted.

"...Thanks?" Naruto replied, "By the way, my work that you said you would do..."

"Don't worry, it's done. Now get the hell out of here before a janitor sees us." She licked his neck as a goodbye.

 _Gladly,_ Naruto said in his head as he hurriedly picked up his satchel bag from his desk and headed to the elevators.

He just tongued his own mother… and yet he actually enjoyed it.

…

 _ **In case some of you may think the final bit is too derivative of The Office, well… that's what I was going for (I love that show btw). Also, since a lot of you were looking for answers concerning Kushina's behaviour towards Naruto, someone in the reviews section figured it out.**_

 _ **Lawrence HB:**_ " _ **It is kinda obvious Kushina feels something for Naruto and I think I've figured out how that happened...**_

 _ **Pretty much it's the standard situation where after her husband passes away she goes from one unsuccessful relationship to another for what seems like YEARS... as a result of this, she's gotten bitter towards men... except for Naruto... Naruto is the only guy... 'ell it sounds like the only PERSON to stand by her all these years...**_

 _ **Now in most cases when something like this happens all the mother does is baby them in an attempt to make sure they don't leave them... In this case, though it sounds like her desire for a romantic relationship has twisted her feelings towards Naruto... her reaction to him trying to quit is her reflexive reaction to the fact that she believes that her last precious person and possible future romantic partner is trying to leave her…"**_

 _ **Thank you Lawrence HB once again for the review/analysis. I really appreciate it! Also, let me know any grammar mistakes.**_

 _ **And thanks to all those who still follow this story. :)**_


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